From My Pen

Pages Of My Life

2010-04-04T10:20:00.000-05:00

Pages turning ever so slowly bring forth the passages of each day. Giggling fills the air and as pages turn tears fall softly to the ending of a time for me. Gathered now in the dusk of time, lie memories too numerous to fill a page.

Wonderful beginnings of life and a Family love, move to another time of Husbands and Children filling my life’s bowl with wonderful drinks of life and sorrow each being important to grow into this now very mature body of an Elderly Woman.

Sitting here alone this day, I wonder how each page of life has now turned into a book. The spice of life with bits of zest runs rampant through each chapter as I look back. Wondering what should be told aloud and what should stay silent and in my heart, leave sadness in me. As I question myself for reason to remain silent on many areas of my life, somewhere deep inside I hear the words, (that goes in the DON’T NEED TO KNOW box).

It seems now as I have matured, many things of what seemed valuable, lie now in rubble. It’s strange how time can read just those little things that I carelessly left lying by the side of my life’s road, now once more I pick each remnant up and hold it more tenderly than ever, realizing I was not too late in my gathering.

I leave a few bits and pieces of me scattered about for those who want a peek into my world, as I write words of wisdom and love through each page of my writing, but yet never sharing my most treasured thoughts on pen and paper. I must remain true to myself of the pledge made long ago to a higher power, My Lord, My God and My Salvation there holds the key to the inner me, one who has unlocked many places within my soul. One that has granted me many joys and an inner peace as my twilight years come more into focus now.

It is the Wisdom that time brings forth and the true joy of knowing My Lord, that I live now and accept the changes of my life for good or bad. To have given the world the very best of me through my Children, satisfy that undone feeling in me, knowing they are the Roots that will fill new pages and write the passage of time as it comes to each of them.

2009-04-08T14:37:00.002-05:00

Oh Lord, my Savior of my soul
Thou has lead me through valleys
Mountains steeped with glory
Trenches filled with pain

Thou hast let me fall when needed
Thou hast picked me up and filled me with hope
Thou hast let me face adversity
Thou hast given me great joy

While my valleys and mountains
Have seemed insurmountable
Time has been measured carefully
Thou hast lead me safely

Now I walk the open fields
Filled with renewed spirit and hope
I have given you my soul
You My Lord, have granted me entrance to Eternity

2009-02-22T14:28:00.000-05:00

A Cold December Night

I wrote this several years ago, the first chapter is the orginal story and tonight and today I finally gave it an ending. I hope that you will enjoy it.

Chapter 1

It was on a cold December night, snow was still falling as he looked for a place to rest his tired and worn old body. Warmth was a luxury he did not have this night, a place out of the snow and wind would be nice. People were still hustling about and soon the street would be empty and he would finally be all-alone. He was not looking forward to the long cold night with streets dead not even the cats would be searching the trash bins on a night like this.

As he kept walking he remembered a place down off the main street and hoped there he would be safe and warm. His old coat worn thin from time did little to keep him warm. His shoes worn to paper thin on the soles no longer kept his feet dry or warm, the wet from the snow made walking quite uncomfortable. He thought as he walked how life had become this way and why did he ever let things go so wrong. He had always worked hard and took the best care of his family and now with them all gone, he had lost his way and ended up here somehow with his home, his family gone.

Why did his wife die? He asked himself over and over and knowing now he would never overcome the guilt he felt He kept thinking these thoughts and wondering why the children had left him. He had loved them so much and they knew they were the shinning stars of his life, how could they blame him for their Mothers death. The fire had spread so quickly, rushing he had woke everyone up. Laura wanted pictures as she ran back, he had ran after her grabbing her and pulling her to safety he thought, the smoke had over taken her and she didn’t make it as he carried her out of the house. He had loved Laura more than life. He pushed these thoughts from his mind as he walked slowly looking for the place he had seen earlier.
There it is he said to himself, scouting about to see if anyone else were there. Good he thought, as he moved some boxes and found a piece of board to stand up against the boxes that would help keep the wind out. Struggling to lay down and find a comfortable position, saying a quick prayer for warmth and safety, he was off to sleep, as he had walked the streets a lot today looking for any kind of work and food. He was not a man to ask for charity and believed that the struggle was for punishment for letting Laura die.
As he slept dreams started to come and he could see Laura in a heavenly light, she was there waving to him, calling softly and telling him she was waiting for him, that it was a wonderful place to be and she missed him so very much. He came slightly awake and his hand reaching for her fell back down to sleep.
Morning light was dawning and a few people were moving about, as people were getting ready for their busy days, Christmas was but a few days away. The sun now breaking through the overcast skies; the streets were now crowed, as a man walking by saw him lying there and looked down on him, strange the man thought to himself as he saw the smile on his face and his hand extended. Something made this man take a closer look and he said to himself, well this is one more the city will not have to support as he searched the body looking for a name another John Doe, well who would care anyway he said to himself and went looking for a phone. The old man looking for warmth and longing for Laura had found warmth in the night as the light extended from heaven to him.

Chapter 2

George Brown was a young man still, closing in on his early forties. His wife Mary and he had two children, a daughter and son both had married and lived in other states now. His sister, Margo still lived near him and her children grown and living far away, kept a close watch on him. Sometimes it seemed too irate him and then he would smile and know she just wanted to take care of him like always. Mary had been his love since high school and when they had married she took the best care of him and that had made Margo very happy.

George was deep in though when he heard the doorbell ring, getting up he moved to the door and looked out to see who might be there. Alarmed he quickly opened the door to see a Policeman there. “Yes” he said. The Officer asked if a George Brown lived there and he said yes, clasping his hands and bracing for what he didn’t know as the Officer said to him “are you the family of a George Brown Sr.?” He stood quiet now and wondered why he asked that after all these years and suddenly said “yes, why do you ask?”

“I regret to inform you sir that we found Mr. Brown dead this morning and we need for you to come down and identify him today.” George just stood there and with his voice trembling, he answered the Officer and got directions and walking back into the room sat down, his head seemed to spin and his hands now trembled as Mary walked into the room asking him who had been at the door. He asked her to sit down and as she reached for his trembling hand, he quietly told her what the Officer had said. “ I’ve got to call Margo” he said and reached for the phone and dialed her number and then speaking softly he asked if she could come over, “yes” she had said as he hung the phone back up and waited for her to come.

Margo arrived soon after the call from George, wondering what was wrong with him. As she sat down he took her hand and picked a picture up from the table, handing it to her he said nothing for a moment as her eyes captured the image before her. “George why are you showing me this?” Then he told her of the Officer coming and what he had wanted. Stunned Margo sat there and said to him George, how will we know it is him, we haven’t seen him since we were very young, I never thought of this day Georgie.

A few hours later, Mary drove them to the Morgue. “I’ll be right here George” as she sat down to wait on them. Holding Margo’s hand tightly, they entered the room, where an attendant was waiting on them by a table. Slowly he pulled the sheet back and they both gasped as they saw their father laying there, the smile still frozen on his face. Neither could say a word, as they realized the enormity of this moment.

As they both looked down on this man, they saw scars over part of his face and neck; some were peeking out from the white sheet that covered him and George pulling it
slowly down, realized how the many scars from the night of the fire, marked him deeply, time had not taken away the horror of that night. George felt a cold chill as the image came back to him from so very long ago.

George, still shaken asked what should they do now and the attendant told them, that they could claim the body and make arrangements for his burial... At the front desk he signed some papers and the attendant handed him a plastic bag,” here are Mr. Brown’s things Sir, I’m sorry for your loss.”

Chapter 3

Returning home, Mary told them to sit while she fixed Tea and a Sandwich for them, knowing that they needed some time, she left the room.
George placed the plastic bag on the table, then began to open it and pulled some papers out. Reading it he gave instructions to them. He had left a safety deposit box for them and showing this letter at the bank, they would be given a key to unlock it. Wondering what this all meant they just sat in silence, each reliving a part of that horrible night and their refusal to see their Father again.

George and Margo arrived at the bank early; holdings hands they asked where they went for the Safety Deposit Box, the lady lead them to a room, where they found the box. Both of them still stunned from the previous days event. George took the box and slowly opened it, finding a letter addressed to him and Margo he broke the seal and opened it. He began to read the words and tears filled his eyes as he looked at Margo, he began again out loud now.

George and Margo,

If you are reading this, I must have gone on to be with your Mother and now I must say goodbye to both of you, first let me say that I am grateful to your Aunt Sharon for raising you and giving you the love and affection I so longed to do. I have watched both of you grow each year and regardless of how you felt back then, I have never left you. I have sent you many gifts on your birthdays and holidays, too many to now name. I want both of you to know that I loved your Mother more than life and both of you also.

The night of the fire was a horrible night and I struggled to get all of you to safety, but your Mother broke free and ran back into the house, she wanted the pictures of our lifetime saved, the fire was so intense and I went back for her and fought to get her back from the fire. The smoke overcame her and cost her life, which you each have blamed me for. If only I could have traded places with her, but now I am at last with her so please if you can find forgiveness for me, I pray that you will accept my sincere plea and lay to rest the grief you have felt along with the anger.

Know that you have been loved and cared for and I am at peace with the world. I have left you my life’s savings, that I have stored each day since that night and I want both of you to enjoy my gift to each of you. Love endures through the test of time my children.

Your Father, George Brown Sr.

Chapter 4

Laying the letter down, George picked a paper up; it read Mort’s Funeral Home. Opening it he saw that his Father had made all the arrangements for his burial, next to their Mother, a simple service was all he requested, with the presence of his children. George handed the papers to Margo. Picking up another set from the box, a note was attached from his Father. It said that he had taken all the insurance money and invested it and as it grew he had bought bonds for each grandchild and the rest of it was for him and Margo to be evenly divided between them.

Opening them with shaking hands, George let out a gasp, as he saw the staggering amount of Five Hundred Thousand Dollars, giving the paper to Margo he just sat there with his head resting in his hands and tears pouring as Margo clung to him now crying for the Father they never knew. Margo gasping for breath asked aloud how all this could be. How of the dark of night such news would prove the love they so had doubted, he had loved them more than himself and had proved it to the very end.

There lying in the bottom of the box was a small picture, picking it up, George and Margo gazed upon the face of their Mother and Father, with both of them sitting on their laps. It was the only connection to their past that they had tried to forget as the years had passed.

Several days later they stood before his Casket and asked for his forgiveness and prayed for his soul to be at rest with their Mother now. Following the Hearse to the cemetery, they stood watching as he was laid to his final rest and prayed that one day they would see him once more to tell him of how wrong they were.

Later that night as George sat with Mary; he asked her why had his Father had lived the life of a Pauper and died so alone on the streets in a Card Board Box, she looked at him and said quietly, “because he sacrificed all that he had for the love of you and Margo, George. It was the only way he could let you know of his love and hoped that someway, someday you would find forgiveness for him.”

2009-02-10T16:13:00.001-05:00

While time has allowed my journey here on Earth, Lord
I have walked the great Mountains and Valley’s low
I have walked the Shore of Your great Ocean

I have stood below looking at your wondrous Universe
Always in awe of the great expanse of your Creation
Never doubting the power of your Being

The Beauty that mine Eyes have seen
The Power I have felt, as I watched from afar
The Comfort that my Soul has found when I called Your Name

I have but one great journey left My Lord
As days pass and I reach The Completion of my time on Earth
I pray that I am worthy Lord to Cross the Great Divide into Your Paradise

2008-12-06T17:21:00.002-05:00

Oh if it were not for Yesterday and Yesteryear
What dreams are left for me to unveil?
Mystery of living, long lost its luster

It is another time that draws me nigh
To remember happiness and love
To dare to capture once more

The thrills and hardships of life
That made me unto this day
A sadness of loss, an unwillingness to live

Where is the path of Yesterday?
That will lead me into Tomorrow
Where Loneliness will be no more

copyrighted byTobie Haga Roy

2008-11-15T15:45:00.000-05:00

I’ll remember you at the end of winter’s day
While the Earth thaws her crust to warmer days
When your Lilies show off their first bud
Bringing warm memories of you

I’ll remember you in the time of spring
When the Earth has been turned and seeded once more
Filled with the knowledge, carefully left in my care
Bringing warm memories of you

I’ll remember you on the hot summer days
As fishing lines are caste, being reeled in to an empty hook
While lawns are mowed and weeds pulled, flowers plucked
Bringing warm memories of you

I’ll remember you when leaves fall in the autumn chill
While picking the bounty from the plowed field
I’ll share the gift of your knowledge, as my table is filled
Bringing warm memories of you

I’ll remember you when the winter’s cold will chill my bones
I’ll pull your old flannel shirt from long ago
Wrapping my arms to stay the chill
Bringing warm memories of you, once more

©Tobie Haga Roy

I wrote this in memory of my Dad, he was diagnosed with Cancer on Thanksgiving day in 1985 and later died on Ground Hog day in 1986, his Easter Lilies had come to full bloom that year in late January
Tags: tobie's poetry

2008-10-24T22:27:00.001-05:00

While youth has come and gone
Bridges have been built for another world
One of excitement and promise to come

While adult life has now turned into years
Of wife and mother and now grandmother
Bridges have been built for another world

While Elvis sings softly of times long ago
I’ll Remember You, tenderly, with a passion
Building my bridge to grow old in another world

While yet another Elvis song is filled with Memories
I still long for those times of youth
And wish that I had never burnt my bridge to you

© Tobie Haga Roy

2008-08-26T12:11:00.002-05:00

Sadie

The little Cabin came slowly into view, as a worn path lead you into a world where Sadie had been born and raised her whole life. Her Grandfather and Father had built this Cabin when they first came to the Mountain. It had just two rooms for all of them to live in. the roof had been made with logs also and filled with mud and straw to keep the rain and cold out. There was a window in the room where her Grandfather and Grandmother slept and two windows in the other room where her Father had slept as a child and now that was where she slept still. The sunlight would shine through in the mornings filling the room with a bright light as her Mother had cooked from the big fireplace with its stone frame and hearth. At night her Mother would read from the Bible and her Father would tell her stories from his earlier life in Sweden and the crossing to come here to this Mountain that was all she knew and could remember of the stories he had told back then.

When her Grandparents had passed her Father taught her how to hunt with the bow and skin and put up the meat and then clean the hides, it became a way of life for her early on as her both of her Parents passed suddenly one winter and she had now been on her own for many years. Her years crept slowly at first and she roamed the mountain looking for food and anything that she could harvest and put up for the coming winters. Her Father had built a Smokehouse so he could cure the meats and she had helped as they made a root cellar to store the root crops in. The winters on the Mountain were long and hard, Snow piled well above her small frame, but she always knew spring would come and bring her wildflowers and lots of warmth, Sadie couldn’t remember ever being lonely as she had taken to this solitary life and enjoyed her days as they passed year into year.

A small woodshed was off to the right and a work shed that held her simple made tools lay strewn about; Sadie knew where each lay and had crafted them from her own hands. She had made a simple plow to plow her rows of vegetables and such. A hammer made of rock and stone, being worn from hours of use. A harness made of wild grapevines hung on a wall and when needed she would wrap them around her small frame and pull the plow to make her rows. Her body had become stooped from the hard labor and long hours of dusk till dawn, each day bringing her many chores to do. She had learned so very much in her time here in the Mountains, living from the land was a good life she believed and nourished it as a Mother would nourish a child.

Back to the left of the small cabin was a creek, the current was always strong and swift, it curved back into a small bank and there she would bathe and swim when the weather would allow her to enjoy it. When she was younger she would stare into the clear stream and see her long Dark Blonde hair with lighter streaks from the suns warm rays, her curls would get tighter as the water ran through it, often she could see the color of her Brown eyes and they would stare back at her. As a child she would play this way when her chores had been done. It was now harder to see those eyes and color of her hair, she noticed her face felt rough and lined, looking at her hands all gnarled and worn from too much hard work, she made short her bathe and staring into the water now she would gather her long curls and pin them on top of her head with a bone she had finished to a smooth surface and then be on her way back to more work. It seemed it was never done and there was little time for anything else.

Off to the back of the small Cabin, about a few hundred yards, surround by stones gathered from nearby was a small Burial Ground. There lay her Father and Mother and her Grandparents, with a Sister and baby Brother, whom had never seen the light of day. Sadie would visit here from time to time keeping weeds away and making sure no critters were digging about. Always she would stand in silence and offer a small prayer and then slowly leave returning back to the Cabin to do more chores. She wasn’t sure of how long her years were, as she had never learned to read or write and her Mother had the Family Bible that lay on a small table beside her straight back caned chair. Sadie would sometime sit and pass through the pages and stare at her Mother’s writing, never knowing of what it might say she imagined her own words and stories to go with what she knew of her life here in the Mountains.

Sometimes Sadie would gather things she had made and pack her Cart full to travel a hundred miles or so as the crow flies to try and sell or barter her goods away for flour and sugar and a few seed for the coming year and settle in before winter arrived. Her trip would take her a few weeks, going down the Mountain and then trudging back up was beginning to take it toll on her small frame, it seemed she was needing to stop and rest more often these days, so she just took her time as no one was there waiting on her to return.

Sadie was shy about going into the small town that lay below her Mountain, but the man in the small store always seemed to welcome her with a nice smile and offer to shake her hand, but she would pull it away and in her few words tell him of her goods and let him know of what she wanted to trade for. Sadie had made baskets from vines, and had some furs from critters she had made into small blankets. She never wanted much and was eager to be done with this and be on her way to where she felt safe, people seemed to make her afraid and she wanted little to do with them. Closing the stores doors, she went to her Cart and loaded her goods and began the long trek back to her Mountain.

Sadie saw her little cabin gleaming in the early twilight and made her way into it, the Cart was secure so she would unload it tomorrow and taking a biscuit out of a piece of cloth she ate it and drank some water, the laying down on her small pad she fell fast asleep. Her dreams at first came flying through as her young life played out she saw her Mother and Father tending to chores and such, then they seem to just leave her and she fell into a deeper sleep.

It had been long over six months since the man at the store had seen Sadie and telling his wife he wanted to go up and check on her and make sure she was in good health, he left the following day and as he trekked the long way up the Mountain he wondered how she had done this for so many years, he had been gone for two weeks now as he spied the Little Cabin through the overgrown bush and trees. Everything was grown high and the weeds had taken over all of Sadie’s hard work. He walked up to the Cabin door and gently knocked; with no answer he pushed the door open. Looking for a lamp to light he found one and lit the worn wick, their lying on her pallet was Sadie, her body had begun decaying long ago and the stench from her small frame made him cover his nose and mouth.

He went back outside and stood there shaken, he had never expected to find her passed away, shaking his head he sat down to think and decide what to do next. Getting up he walked around came upon the small grave yard, there he looked about and going back to Sadie’s tool shed finding a make shift shovel, he went back to dig her small grave. After digging he went back in and gently wrapped her remains in her pad made from Furs he placed her into the deep hole and filled it and placed stones on top of it to keep any critters from digging, saying a prayer he turned and went back into the Cabin, seeing the Family Bible he picked it up and with a pencil he pulled from his coat wrote these simple words. Sadie’s name had been entered here when she was born in year of our Lord 1827 May 20th, “Sadie died sometime ago” he said “I just buried her this day of the 27th, in the month of April, in the year of our Lord 1887.” Laying the Bible back where he found it he left the cabin and went back down the mountain, he would miss her he thought as he marveled at how she had survived all these years on this Mountain so very much alone. He would always call this Sadie’s Mountain, when he got back to town he would see about having it named in her memory. Smiling he knew Sadie was at peace now as back when she still lived.
©Tobie Haga Roy

MY Garden

2008-07-24T21:33:00.002-05:00

You have given me a glorious Garden to tend
You have breathed the essence of life into my fields
Given knowledge where ignorance once was
As you have shown me how to plow my fields

As I have tried to plow each row straight
Some have been with a twist here and there
Tending to weeds and much loved seedlings
Giving life nutrients to each delicate plant

Some of my weeds have grown thorns, causing me great pain
Filling me with doubt, as I grasp to pull them from my garden
Lesson’s taught each day
Fighting to keep my garden free so as not to be barren

I can’t help but wonder, as I look to the Heavens
Watching for storm clouds, my first sprinkle of rain
The sprout of my first seedling
When will I see the fruit of my labor?

As my growing season comes to an end
And my garden has given up her bounty
And as I draw nearer to your shore
It is You, My Lord, I say thank you too

©Tobie Haga Roy

An Occupation of a Single Mind

2008-06-20T18:41:00.001-05:00

It's a journey begun before my time, started Centuries before man and earth. One that has been followed and embraced by many like me. One try’s to fit a puzzle into perfect pieces and yet they come close but never fit like before the big Boom.

Some have wondered where God fits in this great expanse of space and yet I find it so easily answered, by putting Science and Faith together, like a pair of gloves they fit...

I am just a simple spot or blimp on a plan, formed in perfect union by God, when he so created this vast wonderful Universe. I have many questions and must say many have no answers yet, but yet I feel comfort in my mind that creation was done by God and only He.

I only wish I could recall more instantly things that made me come to believe this way, but my mind seems to fail me, more than I care to reveal now. I just simply believe that God, Man and Science can all fit and be explained, by starting with the journey of 13 Billion years ago and watch from there the great formation of stars, Constellations and Planets, Moons and Our great Earth, forming her mountains rivers and hills, nestled with valleys and plateaus. This place we call home, now being threatened by Global Warming.

Well I don't believe in Global Warming, ( as in man made ) I think it is a function of our Planets ever emerging change of tides, winds and formations. A recycle of many things that have happened hundreds of years before and now a pattern similar happening once more.

I know these sounds of a rant from an old crazy woman, but I don't ask that you agree or disagree with me, just simply look for facts, not someone wanting to make a buck on a popular subject. After all in time it really won't matter, will it?

2008-03-20T16:45:00.002-05:00

Deliverance

There was a time in History
That God sent to you and me
A man born for this day

While His life was spent
Teaching His Father’s message
Of Eternal life and Redemption

With a plan laid out long before you and I
His judgement sat before a lesser earthly man
Judged guilty by fear of His Might

His path took Him to a Hill that day
Burden with the weight of a Cross
While a Crown of Thorns adorned His head

While His Mother watched each nail
Put through His Hands and Feet
With his Sides pierced and Vinegar to moist His thirst

By His sides hung two thieves
And with his Grace granted them eternal life
While the agony plagued His Earthly Life

The Earth shook and turned to Darkness
Many knew a wrong had been done
As he gave up his Ghost

Asking His Father to forgive those
Who had chosen to take His life
His blood shed that day for you and I

As they cleansed His Body
Wrapping it in a white Shroud
They put the Stone in place and cried

Returning they found the Stone rolled away
With Transfiguration complete
He left us His Comfort
Salvation, His greatest gift

© Tobie Haga Roy

2007-12-20T04:53:00.000-05:00

Now you know, you got the BEST watching over you

Meet the new Drill Instructor

2007-10-13T14:43:00.000-05:00

2007-10-11T15:32:00.000-05:00

For Carolyn

2007-09-30T11:29:00.000-05:00

2007-07-31T10:01:00.000-05:00

UPDATE ON TROY

They will be moving to South Carolina in December. Troy has brought Sarah and kids home to Georgia till he can be with them in Dec..

He will be going to Fort Lenoardwood in about a week or so for Training to become a Drill Instructor, boy am I happy about that.

It's good to know Iraq is out of the picture for awhile for him.

The Marlboro Man

2007-06-07T18:58:00.000-05:00

Well It's Time To Leave For Awhile

2007-06-07T18:57:00.000-05:00

Charlie<> Jack, Mike (Dad), Renee (Mom), Lorilei, Jael, Carli

Keep prayers going for all please

Saying Goodbye For Awhile

2007-06-07T18:54:00.000-05:00

Jack leaving for Iraq

2007-05-28T18:42:00.000-05:00

This is my Son-in-law Jack, he leaves on June 7th for Iraq. I ask if you pass through these pages you will send prayers up for him and all the others there doing their duty for us. God Bless and keep him while his journey takes him away from home. Here is his Bird, along with his Dad and I might add his Dad is one proud man. Jack with his Mom (you know she's proud ) and then Jack, Charlie and the girls (and anyone knowing Charlie and the girls will know pride shines on their faces ). I really don't know how I came to love him so much, but my heart found room for another son and yes oh yes I am very proud of him.

2007-05-02T01:16:00.000-05:00

Through the dark of night, do not fear
When the Sun has cast its last glow
Follow with steadfastness and resolve

Hold tight thy Faith in Spirit
Confirm thy love by deeds
Cast your troubles across the darkness

With the rays of light sprinkling the Heavens
Look out upon the Land
Feel the Hand that lifts you this day

Walk freely through the fields of life
Seeking wisdom and strength
Though your pathway be trodden

His strength will never leave you
Call upon his name
As you stumble, He will pick you up
© Tobie

2007-04-19T18:31:00.000-05:00

I think this would be a Great Team to Lead our country into better times. Both are good men without all the old baggage from Washington.

2007-04-18T15:51:00.000-05:00

It’s the quietness of my soul that my search continues onward
Being still to hear the rush of blood coursing through my heart
To hear once again the soft sweet gentle coconsciousness of my spirit
Tuning me with precise determination and spirit to carry onward

Fire burns deeply to rid the evil which prevails, lingering, crowding my soul
Raging winds carry the unwanted waste of my soul
Quiet waters flow slowly replenishing the nutrients of my soul
While I kneel before you Oh Lord asking for your guidance

It is the quietness I hear now, the willingness to listen
To open my heart and receive your message with eager spirit
To fulfill that age old longing of peace, mercy upon a Land
To know I must step up and face the unknowing moments of Life
© Tobie Haga Roy

Grammy's Power Puff Girls, Ready for Action

2007-04-16T21:02:00.000-05:00

Left to right, Lorilei, Jael, Carli

Carli did her first Competition Saturday and won Silver. Doesn't she look like she can kick butt?

2007-03-29T13:13:00.000-05:00

The Woman behind this Soldier, gives all she has.

2007-03-29T13:05:00.000-05:00

Now this is 1 good looking Soldier and he has made us Proud.

2007-03-29T12:43:00.000-05:00

Hey to all you good folks that come by, my name is Mater. Could you ask my Owner to please let me have a better seat. they just left me seating out here. Well I reckon it could be worse.

2007-03-29T12:35:00.000-05:00

Grammy says, eat your Veggie's and can you believe it Mommy believed her. Yummy

Happy Birthday Charlie

2007-03-26T20:28:00.000-05:00

It’s a Mother’s prayer for when a Child is born to achieve the best

Character, strength, courage and compassion

Here is my Birthday wish for you

My Dearest Daughter

H—health for a lifetime

A—adventure of life

P—passion for living

P—patience for others

Y—yearning to learn and give

B—blessed by the Lord above

I—intelligence to seek

R—risk taken to achieve the impossible

T—truth always spoken from the heart

H—heart filled with love and peace

D—diligence when needed to succeed

A—awareness of others in plight

Y—youth of the spirit, to the end of days

2007-02-05T03:24:00.000-05:00

This was my latest painting done for my new Daughter-in-law. I had to crop the bottom of the painting off as glare from the camera was terrible and this was the best shot she got when she copied it for me. I'm not a good artist or even close to a fair one , but I sure love trying, so hope that someone will enjoy the view.

Muhammad Ali and me

2007-01-17T18:10:00.000-05:00

Today is the birthday of a man whom I have admired from the days of my youth. I owe much of my courage and drive to his ever strong presence of life. He never knew what he did for me, although I had a chance in 1988 to go see him, my sister-in-law had to drive me to the Mall in Texas where we lived. I so wanted to thank him for his inspiration and drive that had guided me for so many years. Molly thought I was wrong for admiring a man of Color and made sure she took me somewhere else first and then it was too late to meet him. I cried and said more than a few bad words that day and it still remains an open wound for me.

He was Cassisus Clay, he was my age, his words inspired me and his famous saying that he was The Greatest, became my daily motto as I groomed each of my patrons, I would clown around and kinda do a little jig while singing, Cassisus Clay and me are The Greatest people on Earth. My Customers who were the wealthy Jewish, would laugh at me and some even chimed in with me. It became my little Trademark, my way to the stars. It worked and for eight long years I worked hard and gave him due credit for all that he meant to me. I became a very successful Hairdresser and was at the top, when I gave it up for Home and children.

He stood for so very much and in the face of decisions he remained strong, confident and so very sure of himself. I never missed a fight and would watch all that I could on television about him. Some understood where a little country girl, who had holes in her soles and not much else came from. He made me realize that I could stand alone and be confident to face whatever life tossed my way. I was sadden when his illness became so apparent to the world and watched with tears streaming when he lit the Olympic Torch, I still stand strong in my beliefs of this man and wherever you are, I wish you The Greatest Day, cause you are The greatest to me still. I salute you Muhammad Ali.

http://who2.com/ask/muhammadali.html

2007-01-11T19:25:00.000-05:00

A soft gentle whisper comes from the depth of my soul
As I feel the cries of my fellow countrymen and women
Bickering over who is right or wrong

Our Armies are great and with unmeasured strength
Resolute in the great task at hand
Our trust and support is needed strongly now

As they are once more commanded to fight
A fight with no end it seems in sight
With pride and honor they march in the fight for Freedom

As the whisper of our Countries soul cry out Oh Lord
As those oppressed fight for the Freedom they long
Deter those who create the bloodshed and violence

Let the silent whispers reach your heart Oh Lord
Grant to all a blessing of peace and serenity
Let wisdom fill the powerful Leaders

A soft gentle whisper comes from the depth of my soul
Oh Lord, please hear our pleas
Comfort us in the hour of our needs

© Tobie Haga Roy

2007-01-06T14:37:00.000-05:00

If one’s journey is just a simple step
And he has the love of the Lord
His heart is bound forever

If one’s life lived is filled with goodness
And he has the love of the Lord
His gifts will be blessed unto his days

If one’s life is filled with anger
And he has not the love of the Lord
His days will be empty long unto its end

If but just one will speak his name
And has the love of the Lord
His reward will remain unto the end of time

So I say unto you, in this journey of life
Take that simple step
Live your life in goodness
Be not filled with anger

Speak the Lords name from your heart
Carry his words deep into your soul
Free your burdens in the wisdom of his love

2006-12-23T13:35:00.000-05:00

The Stockings are not hung
The Children are not a sleep in their beds
The Tree still stands in the field

The Sparkle gone from the light
The Laughter and Cheer unheard
The Silence deafening as day nears its end

The Sugar Plums dance elsewhere this night
The Christmas Wishes driven from thought
The Reindeers Sleigh passes them by

The Morning has come with a grey streak of Dawn
The Poor Souls lie buried in snow
T’is this day, Their souls found Christmas

©Tobie Haga Roy

2006-11-27T08:30:00.000-05:00

Early twilight found you there
Perfection born that moment
My heart lost forever within your eyes

The easy manner, the simple smile
Stole all that I possessed in my being
As you came closer, my heart beat faster

Many days came and dreams became one
As we basked in the glow of love
Its tenderness being born forever

Twilight lights your face, as I look at you
My soul no longer wanting
I whisper to you my deepest longings

Come walk life’s golden path
Come hold my hand in yours forever
Come grow old with me

© Tobie Haga Roy

2006-11-02T08:21:00.000-05:00

Lord, I am just coming for a visit tonight
Souls lost today all over the world
For one reason or another

Babies born today all over the world
A chance many will lose before night comes to light
For one reason or another

I heard today more hunger and sickness all over the world
Many will find peace in your arms this night
For one reason or another

Sadness settles this night in my soul
For things many could change all over the world
For one reason or another

As I come to you this night Lord
Will you reach our your arms all over the world
For one reason or another

Grant each a new day of promise and hope
Let it shine all over the world
For one reason or another
© Tobie Haga Roy

2006-10-19T16:10:00.000-05:00

Genie in a Bottle

The nor’easter had been blowing for days now it seemed, Jane could hardly wait to get back out on the beach. She loved storms and this one had given her all that she loved with the roar of the ocean and the howling winds, the blackness of the night and the grey days. She had always known she was a bit odd in liking such things, but she thought to herself as she slipped on a light jacket and kicked her shoes off, “I like it, that’s all that matters” and went out the door, letting it slam a little as the blowing wind grabbed it out of her hand.

It was still early as she neared the beach, she looked about and saw no other people, “good” she thought, “I have it all to myself.” She loved the soft sand beneath her feet, even now that she had grown quite older, that feeling of youth leapt into her heart once again as she stretched out her arms and flung them about dancing in circles now with the wind whipping her jacket and sand stinging her face. “Oh how I love this place” she said into the wind and stopped twirling to sit down letting the dizziness pass,” I think maybe I am getting too old for this” she said aloud once again into the wind and roaring waters.

Jane began her search as she walked letting her eyes seek out the shells that appealed to her. She wanted to find another perfect Sand Dollar, like the one she had found when she was twelve. She had searched for years and never found another perfect one, “did that mean a just once in a lifetime” she thought as her eyes kept up the vigorous search. Jane spent an hour walking in the light rain and wind, then turned to go back as she stumbled a bit, her foot hit something sticking out in the sand. ”Ouch” she said as she bent down to look and see if she had cut her foot. She forgot about her foot as she saw the bottle sticking out from the sand, reaching down she picked it up and gasped with delight as the colors were beautiful and the glass picked what rays of light there was to reflect back at her to see. It was the most beautiful bottle she had ever seen as she gathered it up for closer inspection. The deep reds were entwined with gold lacing through and through the beautiful royal looking blue covering the bottle, taking her hand she gently wiped away the sand and grime.

Holding the bottle up toward the grey skies to see what might be inside, she rubbed a spot that seemed to want to stay on it and all of a sudden she gasped aloud, “oh my, oh my” as a stream of fogginess came from the bottle, she almost dropped it with alarm, but held it firmly, as a voice said “thank you for holding on and not dropping me.” Stunned Jane looked at the bottle and there before her eyes was a cute little person, dressed in foreign looking clothing, “much like those from Sinbad movies,” she thought, as the little person spoke to her. “Hi Jane my name is Genie and I am so glad you found me. I’ve been washed from shore to shore and beat around for many years now and it seems you are the lucky one to find me.” “Please don’t be afraid, I am here to serve you, as you know from stories told, yes, yes I do, I grant wishes and now I must go back inside for awhile, my journey has been long and I need to rest a bit, so come back and get me at dawn please and I will serve your wishes then.” Stunned Jane watched as the fogginess went back into the bottle and she held it tightly and walked slowly home as the wind seemed calmer now and the rain had stopped, she smiled and said to herself “well I be darn.” and quickened her pace for home.

Entering her home she sat the bottle gently down on the dinning table and went into the kitchen to brew coffee. Afterwards she jumped in for a quick shower and slid into her old housedress and went back to pour her coffee. Walking back through the house she picked the bottle up and entered her living room, it was a sparse room and had only the necessary things she needed, flipping the television on she tuned in CNN and sat down, still holding the little bottle. “Goodness its hard to believe that someone is really in there, am I going crazier or what” she thought and gently sat the bottle on the coffee table. Stretching out on the sofa now she listened to the news and drifted off for a quick nap before fixing dinner.

It was almost dark before she woke stretching and looking to see if the bottle was still there. Picking it up again she went back to the kitchen and pulled out the fixings for dinner,”hmmmmmmm skillet dinner it is” she said to herself and went about putting it together, it would be done quickly and then she would feed everyone and clean up and return to her television or maybe she thought “a few games on my computer tonight” before her House Hunters program came on. Whisking about, things were soon done and she went back to her living room till bed. A few hours later picking up the little bottle, she dressed for bed and soon fell asleep for the night.

Suddenly she came wide awake; looking about the light was barely coming through her windows and just as suddenly Genie appeared again. “Gosh when you said dawn you weren’t kidding Genie” rubbing her eyes to come more fully awake now. Genie said to her “shush Jane, be quiet and just listen a minute then you can go back to sleep for a while.” Jane now was fully conscious now, sitting on her bedside, “yes Genie, I am listening.”

“I will give you just three days to think on this and then I will grant to you just one wish, you must say it when you take me back to the ocean and toss me as far as you can and then only at that moment will your wish will come true my dear,” she said as she drifted back into her bottle.

Jane lay back down upon her bed and drifted into a frightful sleep, tossing back and forth she soon went into a sound sleep. She saw herself in a beautiful room and walked about looking at all the splendor, the house was huge and filled with many wonderful things, and all the colors she liked filled the rooms. Going up the rounded staircase she went into a huge master suite, there before her eyes was a bed covered in silks of beiges and golden lush colors, the bath had every thing one could ever want, she felt herself close the doors and then she was standing near her children, all were well and had secure futures but one, she looked at him and knew he would be alright. She turned and saw her husband, still lost in his own world, and knew that time would do what was necessary for him. Soon she was seeing herself driving down the road in a beautiful one seater brilliant Red Lotus, her dream car, what a thrill it was to finally be behind the wheels, racing to where she didn’t care. Then it seemed she was back walking on the beach as she woke up again.” Goodness, Goodness, what am I to do, or choose,” she asked out loud and then got dressed for a walk on the beach to clear her head and feel the wind whip through her hair, soon she let the door close and once again she was searching for shells.

Time passed quickly for the next three days but for the very last hours as she knew her time was up and a choice had to be made soon. She had thought of many things she wanted and could use to make her life easier, she could help her family to ensure a better future for them, but to her they needed to make their own mark, as they all had skills and such to make a good way and be happy. She could finally travel to Africa and Alaska, and visit Sweden and the castle there where it was said her family roots came from. The dream of owning a Winnebago was tempting and traveling, but she knew she would never be happy without being grounded. Maybe she could hire a private teacher to teach her how to write and paint better, now that was something she really loved doing, but even that didn’t fill her desires. “Oh my it’s time and I still do not know what I will wish for with all of my heart and soul,” she said quietly as she picked up the bottle and let the door close ever so slowly.

The beach seemed to appear fast or was she just walking faster than usual, her feet seemed to pull her faster and faster as she clutched the beautiful little bottle, then her feet just seemed to come to an abrupt stop and the fogginess appeared once more, letting her see Genie again, “goodbye my new friend, be sure to throw me way out now and don’t worry, you know in your heart what you want, as do I.” Genie slipped back into her bottle and Jane walked into the water to be able to throw the little bottle far out. Pulling the little bottle close to her she kissed it and then pulled her arm back and cast it into the wind as her words streamed out to the wind, I want peace for all of mankind.

© Tobie Haga Roy-
Credit given to my son Eric for saying if he had one wish from a Genie, it would be to fix his shoulders,which put me on this road to travel for today, thanks son.

2006-10-15T13:45:00.000-05:00

The Failure of our Presidency and Leaders

This is a subject dear to my heart, it is not meant to be political. It is not in favor of any particle party, it’s just the simple way I see things from what I call an impartial view. Come join me and maybe between all of us we can in some way soothe our souls and maybe, just maybe we could forward this on to those in power from what I will call Our Port in the Storm of America

I want to make a list of things that seem to have the utmost importance from my world. Therefore goes the Failure of our President and Leaders.

1. Shipping our Business off to foreign lands, for cheap labor and tax breaks

2. Environment, lack of creating and changing

3. Fuel, lack of tomorrows world

4. Automobiles, lack of creating better engineering for tomorrow

5. Health Care for all Americans

6. Medicare, failure to our older Americans

7. Disease, not looking for new cures in the modern world, funding

8. Research for new technologies

9. Education, for the young and exceptional ones

10. High Finance, powered by the rich, for the rich

11. Homes, affordable for the poor and middle class Americans

12. Security of our Homeland, with not using the scare tactic

13. Lobbyist, need for harder control of influence

14. Unions, that are controlled by the people

15. Political gain, by power of money

16. All Senators and Congressmen, serve only a limited term

17. ACLU, not allow them to step in on petty issues

18. Illness, ones request is honored (no more Terry Schavio’s)19. Government keeps its place as set down before us in 1776

20. Freedom of Speech, (I don’t go to jail, because I say my view.) They are treading close to us losing it

21. War, stiffer rules for leading a country into war, (special election by the people)

22. All of Creation is treated equal, be it color, race, sex preference

23. Fema, revised and set separate again

24. Tax Breaks, none given to the very rich

25. Drug Dealers and users, better laws to protect our people from them

26. Honor, Truth and Steadfastness required to be a Leader

27. Voting, no E-voting without a paper trail, no hanging Chads. Defined beyond questioning

28. Fund raising for political office, a set amount and no loop holes allowed, fined or jailed if one misrepresented another.

29. Charity, given at home before given to foreign lands

30. Immigration, rules followed and set in stone, come legal or stay home

31. Social Security, fixed for our children

32. Geneva Convention frame work, honored and never changed to fit ones convince

33. God and Politics Separate (after all it says Render unto Cesar his and unto God his)

34. Military prisoners held openly, not hidden, given a trial sooner than later.

35. Laws for News agencies required to give factual information, not an opinion, separate them into another forum, I think they do more harm than good.
36.Minimum wage fixed, a fairer playing field for them

My point of View Here

All TRAITORS must be hanged on the White House Lawn for the world to see by the President. (Make him share his tough stance, instead of putting it off to a lower person.)

I hope that in someway I have opened your eyes to just a few of the things I see never seeming to have an answer and someone always dodging the subject with gilded words (slight of the mouth). If you care to add a few that mean something to you, just jump in. Just remember I am not slamming any political party, there is more than enough blame to fit any and all.
©Tobie Haga Roy

2006-10-13T16:50:00.000-05:00

It is within the bounds of the dreaded darkness
I cloak myself with fear and a veil of silence
To quickly glide amongst the great shadows

Those who roam within my soul come once more
To gather the harvest, the droppings of my soul
Left from moments and memories, a lifetime ago

Buried secrets, longings, long since silenced
Gather the rampant discourse to expose the shadow
That torments and tempts this journey into darkness

Searching always, and always a moment too late
To rescue and savor those moments of fate dwelling deep
Fighting for light, the shadows appear, dashing, fading

The dreaded darkness comes to rob and conquer
T he lingering shadows, while they fight to survive
They will succumb once more to an array of darkness
© Tobie Haga Roy

2006-09-22T17:02:00.000-05:00

I lift up my voice to you oh Lord
With reverence and respect

My soul Oh Lord is weary
Burden with life sorrows
It is weighted with man’s wrongs

Asking what can one soul do?
To stand among many and change
Our world’s mistakes

To give another chance that
IMight make a difference for today
And all the tomorrows

Let my weary soul take refuge
In your arms of grace
And forgiveness

I lift up my voice Oh Lord
For the world that has gone astray

©Tobie Haga Roy

2006-09-20T17:39:00.000-05:00

Well it's offical now

..23,739 days I have lived on this earth. I really wonder how many I have wasted and how many really were spent giving something of myself to others. I hope I spent more giving, and that my remaining days will be spent well.

Tobie & the Greyhound

2006-07-12T00:56:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone,

Just to let you all know, I will be off on another adventure next week. I've been busy getting things in order and things that need to be finished before I start.
I will board the big ole Greyhound next Wednesday night, (all by myself) leaving for Colorado Springs. Sarah is due to have baby soon and I will have the chance to be with my grandchildren there.
My wonderful son will be coming in from Iraq around the first of August. If things work out right he will not have to go back as he might be sent on to Gunnery School till December (Please pray hard).
Around the 16th of August I will again board the Greyhound for Boise, Idaho, to see my brother who I haven't seen in over 10 years, there I will spend a few days.
Then Charlie and her family will drive down there for a couple of days. (The girls don't know I am coming, big surprise), after that I will go home to Tacoma with her for a few wonderful weeks with my babies.
Maybe I will leave around September to come back home on the Greyhound (long trip this time 4 days).
Needless to say, my excitement is overwhelming me and I can't believe I am the one who instigated all of this, imagine ALL by Myself....Lordy Lordy I just can't wait.
I'll be seeing some new land and that in its self is awesome to look forward to. I am taking a notebook this time so I can jot my thoughts down as the miles while away. I'll check in before I leave and while I am away.

I Simply Just Miss Him

2006-06-17T17:33:00.000-05:00

Story follows below

2006-06-17T17:32:00.000-05:00

I wrote this in May right after his birthday and seeing how it's Father Day, I wanted to share him with you my closest Internet Family.

A few days ago would have been my Father’s 90th birthday. I often think of him and remember how he always taught me different things about living and learning in this huge world I live in. It’s really hard to believe as I sit here today thinking of him that it’s been twenty long years without him. I remember our last words as I sat and said goodbye to him and then left his room filled with a pain so unbearable I thought I would die. He was diagnosed with Small Cell Oats Cancer on Thanksgiving Day of 1985 and on Ground Hog Day of 1986 he died, not a lot of time was left for him or us to share and get things said that needed to be said, I cherish each of those moments now and remember many conversations we had with a smile in my heart and others bring the sadness of loss. Our family fell apart after that for a brief spell and I still have one brother who has not spoken to me in a few years. My Dad’s death was the end of a time and I see now the beginning of a new time.

I have spent so much time grieving that I had forgotten to stop and smell the roses of life as years have now turned in to many without him and his guidance and wisdom. He would be really angry with me for wasting so much time and sitting around crying, feeling sorry for myself. I know he would have told me to get up and do something good, take care of the kids, and don’t push this off on them. Teach them the good things of life and push them into learning something new everyday. Instead I sat making their lives miserable with my own grief that I couldn’t even let anyone speak his name without breaking down, so soon everyone avoided speaking of him and he became a burden to them, not the loving Grandfather they remembered. How could they understand my grief, I could not explain it to anyone. It was just a huge gapping hole stuck right in the middle of my heart; after all I was his baby girl, didn’t I have the right to go on this journey for as long as it took.

Today sitting outside, drinking my coffee and seeing a pair of Red Birds, I watched them as they fluttered by and kept coming back close to me. They had been doing this for over a week now. Then with a huge wave of clarity my eyes filled with a new kind of tear, softly they fell down my cheeks and I knew he was there in spirit, watching to see if I was paying attention and doing something good for the day. The Red Birds had been one of his bright spots and he always took the time to watch them. Mom had a beautiful Cardinal arrangement made for him at Christmas time with the beautiful bird holding on to the handle of it. After his death she never displayed it again, we all kept the things we loved about him to ourselves and we never shared our suffering and grief.

My tears had lessened over the last few years but still we hardly ever speak of him, it is almost like a curse for the kids, cause they know speaking of him would send me into a river of tears and whatever we were doing would be ruined for that day. I offer no apology to anyone for my time wasted in my long road of grief. It has been a process that maybe I needed, after all he had told me something good would come of his dying. Was it the fact that I would endeavor into this world of writing, loosening my heart and my soul to those who would one day read my words and feel my pain and feel the beauty I often kept closed within my soul?

I simply just miss him.

P.S. His passion in life was to build and boats were his favorite thing, something I loved to do with him. He built 4 boats altogether, a Shrimp boat-28 footer, small Sail boat 16 foot, and 2 others that were Sail boats, he had just completed his last one when he died and it was given to the Florida Sheriffs boy's Ranch, I know he would have approved of that. His other buildings are still standing all over Jacksonville and the Beaches area, he built the first two stages of the now Famous Saw Grass in Ponte Vedra, south Florida and Atlanta.

2006-06-13T14:57:00.000-05:00

Time like a Sea runs endlessly it seems
Finding one day it comes to an ending
When it crashes suddenly upon ones heart

I wonder where you lost the feel of me
I wonder why your ears turned deaf
I wonder why your eyes no longer see
I wonder why your lips no longer speak

As I return to gaze upon the Sea
Across the mighty waters I see the horizon
Where time has lead me to mourn my loss
Where time will renew my strength

I will once again feel a touch
Ears will hear my words of love
Eyes will see the beauty in me
Lips will speak and kiss me tenderly once more

Time will become my friend again
While the Sea will still churn and renew
Life old and new, dreams and paradise
Just a wave away

2006-06-07T10:54:00.000-05:00

It is with wistful thoughts
That I go into the abyss
A world created just for those in need

Where mountains abound with the highest
Snow peaks,
Linger below them lies glorious green valleys
Of life’s finest splendor

Where raging Sea’s bring thoughts to God
As flowing Rivers calms a spirit
Beaches filled with golden sands
Run like an hour glass of time

Where war has run its course
Man has made peace among the many foes
As each now walk in the Angel’s shadow
Covered and protected by Gods saving grace

2006-05-16T10:55:00.000-05:00

Aren't I a lucky Mom?? A great Tee Shirt, with my goodlooking son to wear for all of the world to see my pride and joy. I got to say all my children are my pride and joy and mean the world to me.It's from Troy and Sarah. Oh I just love it................

2006-05-13T14:33:00.000-05:00

Though paths are curved and bent
Life gives to one a few surprises along the way
Such as the one of you long ago

Now with years going by
You have given me joy and much to share
Each a treasure in its own way

So it is with a love I speak
These words to you
I am proud of you my other Daughter
I know you walk a tough road
But always manage a smile
For times are rough with your love far away

With each day, you rise anew
Nurture your children with tender care
Happy Mothers Day to you

Love, Mom

2006-05-13T11:22:00.000-05:00

From the first moment of your birth
My dreams were fulfilled
As I watched you grow each year

Turning many corners of your life
Accomplishing more than I could dream
You turned into a lovely young woman

Turbulent times and tempers flared
As we fought the battle of your independence
Often left in tears of confusion

While the years have tempered you
You grew strength, wisdom and courage
To stand among the thorns of life

It is with utmost honor and pride
I pen my words to you
My lovely Charlie

Happy Mothers Day
Love Always and Forever, Mom

2006-05-13T00:40:00.000-05:00

As you walk away, take a moment
To remember our first glance
The first touch so tingling to feel
The first kiss of two souls

Remember our wedding day
As the summer sun shinned brightly down
Our faces and hearts radiant with love
Our night of joining two souls

Our first child, the magic of birth
Life renewed and forever changed
A name would live on to history
As you and I have fulfilled a moment in time

Today as we sit and say goodbye
With tears of bitterness and love lost
Knowing our time had come and gone
We gave it our best; we just simply didn’t make it

I’ll tuck you into a corner of my heart
And remember the love, we once felt
Tuck me away, and go quietly my love
As you walk away, don’t close your eyes

© Tobie Haga Roy
Image by---http://f.screensavers.com/migration/wp/Wedding_Rings_215.gif

To This Day

2006-05-11T13:20:00.000-05:00

As the wind rustles through tops
Of the huge Oaks, keeping them
Swaying gently to and fro

While gentle mist of soft rain drops fall
Comes the leaves of golden color
Floating down, their work done

You come gently floating through
Letting me know of your great strength
Stirring the core of me awake

It is with wonder as I sit and feel
Your magnificent power, brush my face
I bow my head in silent prayer
To this day, you have granted me once more

© Tobie Haga Roy

2006-05-07T08:25:00.000-05:00

It's been over a year, since that torture and you're just now...............yea Right...........Mom

AAwww she's trying to make up to me after all this time.........now...........the Fountains really a nice present Mom, but still ya knowwwwww, that alone is not going to get you offf the hook.....meow................

2006-05-07T08:17:00.000-05:00

Mom............this wasn't to cool, ya know, do you feel bad yet????Meowwww............

Snap shot of a moment in Iraq

2006-05-02T11:54:00.000-05:00

2006-04-30T10:19:00.000-05:00

Sarah
With a pledge of love
She joined him in marriage

With the promise of tomorrow
Her life began anew
Her heart now belonged
To a tomorrow with him

Children soon arriving
A home to make
Cooking and cleaning
Chores never ending

Now she stands strong
While honor has bound her
Her pledge of love grows stronger

A world away he sits in a war
Thinking of her and his children
While she sits at home thinking of him

Her resolve grows each day
As she waits for a letter or call
Counting days and months till his return

Her vows keep her strong
While her memories keep him close
She will keep the home fires burning
And when she sleeps his pillow she will cling

After all she is an extraordinary woman
Married to an extraordinary man
Her soldier she does await his return

Troy in Iraq with his Platoon on their Bradley"s

2006-04-21T12:39:00.000-05:00

Troy said...
This is my platoon that I am serving with in Iraq. Won't say which one is me. Chuck will be able to tell you who I am. We are doing well here all things consider. We are all looking forward to getting home.
Mom said... he is the one on top right holding Old Glory for you and me.

2006-04-20T14:40:00.000-05:00

Lorilei Play or Work?

"Mom..... Child Labor Laws, you do remember I'm just 4 years old."

"Really Mom, do you?"

2006-04-17T11:13:00.000-05:00

Come Share My Campfire-Chapter- 5

The coolness of the night drifts slowly in, while the light of day drifts slowly into shadows of the coming darkness. Gathering wood for the fire to come, my minds sifts through days of a past that once held the darkness of my soul. For the first time in my life I feel free to look and see the good things that bound me to this day.
Come sit with me by the fire as I light it tonight, it will be a somber night as I feel stronger than I have been in years. With the huge Oak Trees covered in the whitish grey moss hanging gently and swaying with the soft breeze, I strike my match and watch it catch as I tuck it under the pile of dry sticks and such. Like magic the fire catches and the golden glow drifts and with the smell of the logs finally catching, I move my coffee pot over the coals and sit on the small piece of log I found off in the woods. There is room for a few friends if they show up tonight. Maybe they will sense I am here and join me and share the wonder of my newly discovered secrets.
I have spent so many years living in the shadows of someone else, never truly be accepted for just me, with this new freedom I am truly feeling my spirit soar and wonder where it will now lead me. I am anxious to find out but the mystery lures me in and halts suddenly, making me savor and relish this journey I have been on.
While starting the packing of things in Georgia, I just started tossing things that had meant so much to me and none of value. The smell from Dad’s old things and Mom’s now lay in the garbage dump somewhere and I feel relieved. I had spent years wondering why I clung to these things and often wondered why nothing of value was left for me, was it just the simple fact of my brothers greed and their dislike of me for leaving before either of my parents died. I had given my whole life to my parents, the only child to be there day in day out. I chose not to see the finish of their days on earth as I couldn’t bear that final pain. I had all the baggage and they had all the rewards of money and articles of value, but seems like now the joke is on them as I tossed more away. Things I wanted I packed and labeled in a small box in my heart, where now peace resides. I knew then I would never look back and that with each move I had made since losing all that I had in 97, I was cutting loose the cord that bound me like a slave when they were alive and I had let it bind and hold me so tightly that I couldn’t breathe and somewhere with each move I tossed more, till now what was left was only the good happy things, a few memento’s.
Most importantly I realized the freedom I had given myself on the drive down to Florida and entering in to my new home was happiness and newness, a fresh wiped slate, cleaned by the power I had suddenly felt. I had held it all along but with my depression and guilt I had smothered it and consequently suffered much despair over the last years since.
I can’t say that I won’t get serious depression again but I stand a much better chance with the realization of knowing where it came from and how to correct it. I can face life easier and with the help of God, I can now sleep better. I still have problems, but now they are mine, made of my own accord and with that fact tucked somewhere in my mind, I’m gonna curl here by this fire, drink my coffee, add some logs and sleep like a baby.

Whats up with this??? You know I don't do Eggs !!!!

2006-04-16T14:06:00.000-05:00

Well Happy Easter To Everyone Anyway!!!!!

2006-04-12T10:41:00.000-05:00

I have watched as you came from
The rich fertile soil, bearing your
Long green stems filled with prickly thorns

Leaves of lush new growth
Show colors of purple and greens
While a bud forms ever so slowly

Small red velvety petals appear
Then slowly open to cast their beauty
For an eye to see and take in their beauty

Slowly as their thorns had appeared
Their beauty begins to fade and slowly die
Falling petals return to earth

Takes me to a time, where a man
Came to cast his light to the world
Then slowly was lead to a cross on a hill

He hung there, slowly giving of his life
His precious blood shed for you and me
As he hung his head, he gave up his life

With the promise of life everlasting
His bloom returns to us anew
As this day we celebrate his Spirit and Victory

Happy Easter

2006-03-29T11:35:00.000-05:00

Here is a Screensaver my wonderful daughter (Charlie ) and my very nice Son-in-law (Jack ) made for me last week, they made it using Photo Shop. I do love my Elvis.

2006-03-29T11:08:00.000-05:00

I am so stuck right now. My words seem to have gone on vacation, while I have made my move to Florida. Yes its good to be back here and Georgia is not on my mind anymore. I have been busy with getting things in order ( I hate messes ) and some things are going well, while others are falling apart. I'll be back soon I hope to once again try and write. In the meantime I am trying to paint a few pictures for the babies, so see you soon. Here is a picture of my little Carli, hope you enjoy it.

2006-01-21T22:09:00.000-05:00

Come with me to a place I loved to go in my early days as an adult. It offered the beauty of the great Atlantic and the wonderful blue skies, painted with the Masters touch. At night the beauty would leave me breathless and in awe of the magnificent force that seemed always to speak to me.

Just drive down A1A with me, it’s called the First Coast, just before St. Augustine you will find it now, filled with man’s modern work, while I, back then shared it only with my thoughts and God. I once found a beached whale there and somehow I felt connected to this wonderful huge mammal, I offered up a prayer for it and shed my tears of its loss to a world that seemed to no longer care.

At night a bonfire could be seen for miles and always seemed to light the skyline a bit more with shimmers of life as the sparks leap into the air. I enjoyed this place either day or night, my connection was here to be alone and feel the power and strength God would grant me to carry on.

I need to be here, the quiet waves lurching upon the beach with its spew of foam, taking back with it the life forces to the sea and then renewing the life and sands of the beach. Dusk has now set so I will light my fire and wait for my coffee to brew, grab a cup and sit with me, feel the power and mighty force of the Universe at hand.

I am feeling the awesome power of God right now and the loss of a wonderful man, someone said to me “what a terrible waste of life.” Well you see my friend lost his life fighting for you and me, to keep us free and a future for our children and those children in the land of Iraq. He felt a duty and an honor to go there and now I was given the greatest privilege to be a part of his service to say goodbye and farewell to a man who gave all he had. Many around the world were able to view this service and share Mitch’s life.

Now I come back to those cruel words spoken and they inflame my heart with anger, for you see my son and others son’s are there fighting for just that person to be able to say that. A fight my son and many others fill is worth the ultimate gift to you and me.

Oh God, I know you are there guiding the forces and letting man make his choices, for that I thank you. I thank you for the beauty that fills my vision now of peace and serenity. I know that you received Mitch into your hands in less than a blink of an eye. I know he gave many a legacy to honor and live by.
While I sit close by now on this beach of life, finding renewed strength and warmth, I ask you to take the anger from my heart and the anger of many who are against us. Protect those in harms way, give them all that they need to carry freedom onward and give us the peace in our hearts to accept that which is so hard to do at times.

Now as in then, I will spread my blanket and curl by the fire. Gazing into the great Universe I will rest and find my soul renewed and if I look hard enough I will see Mitch tipping a star for me.

Sleep well my friends and gather your thoughts while the dark of night will come with a cloak and take all that is sorrowful away. I want to thank you for coming with me on this journey, have a safe return and hopefully you have shared this night with me and the great Master who gave it all to us.

Here follows a short exchange from one other and myself.

Cousin Justin, will you join us? I remember you at your grandparents' anniversary, about to leave for Iraq, looking so strong and confident, people all around you. I hung back; you seemed like a star of the gathering, and I thought I could get to know you better after you came back. Well, that was not to be, so can you in spirit join us while we seek the peace and soak up the infinity? This is Tobiejo, a friend and a builder of campfires. She'd like to tell you about Mitch. We'd both like to hear about you. Yes, you were a star, but it was not cheap glamor; you put yourself on the line and only God knows how much hurt your last earthly moments saved. Maybe some guy named Leo can join us. (by Dan Ellsworth)

As the campfire was built, then came the kindred spirits dressed in their finest tales and remembrances, long into the night, the flame they will burn, till tomorrow our brethren ,till tomorrow when the days have ended and our spirits rejoined, let your days be kindled by warm memories that lie deep within each who have shared this fire.

2006-01-19T18:08:00.000-05:00

I woke to a gentle stir across my face, looking about I saw nothing. Trying to sit up and look around my strength failed me as I fell back down to the ground. There was neither cold or hot, nor dark or light. All I could now see was what the last days had been.

Slowly my thoughts stirred within me and I could remember the vast emptiness, the land left empty with an ashen dust. I had walked to the four corners and each lay in ruin. There was no water in streams or oceans, rivers or creeks. No trees lined mountain tops, no forest to be found. Hunger no longer an issue for thirst had gone with the hunger. My children were somewhere deep within my thoughts as I struggled each day to find them and keep them safe. I had walked the land as far as icebergs and oceans and desserts, still finding not one soul.

I was left alone here and in days past I had wondered why, now my strength would not even let me think of that. Was I the very last soul to be upon this land, would there be no one to carry on families and homes? I had no tears to shed, just emptiness deep down. Now I was at the brink of my last breath and I had no desires or wishes. I accepted without question my time was at an end and the world would be no more.

Closing my eyes and letting go of my being seemed so easy now, there was no struggle to survive, no will to force me onward. It was a relief to feel this way, never before with any great magnitude had these feelings surfaced in my life, now it was simply just to finish letting go and find what I did not know.

I felt a gentle touch on my arm and as I turned my head I saw him, a brilliant beautiful Red Cardinal. He forced me to look into his eyes and I felt them pierce the core of me, the essence of my soul as I struggled to touch him, he moved toward me and with his help, I touched his wings and with a quick lift I was in flight upon his wings.

Mitch Carver was a Chief Warrant Officer 3.

2006-01-17T21:58:00.000-05:00

My heart is so broken right now. I knew Friday when I heard of the crash, it would be one of the men who Charlie (my daughter ) served with at Fort Stewart. When I met him I asked if he was available for me not Charlie. His smile was awesome and man what a body. Mainly what a man he was and he loved what he did.My heart goes out to his Family. Below is the poem I just wrote in His memory for his Mom. Mitch is on the left in top picture and on the right in the other one.

For a closer view of who Mitch was click this link.

http://www.citizen-times.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060115/NEWS01/60114031/1001

Heartbeat, the first precious moment of life
His heartbeat, God’s great gift to you
As your arms cuddled him to your breast
A smile filled the soul and spirit of you

Heartbeat, the last sign of life lost
His heartbeat, gone back to God
As your arms fall empty upon your breast
Tears fill your soul, your spirit fights to survive

Let his Heartbeat live long past his life Oh Lord
While you have taken him home to fulfill his destiny
Comfort us as we mourn his loss Oh Lord

2006-01-17T16:15:00.000-05:00

The moon lay there across the gentle pull of waves, looking as big as the mountains I had just left. I was now twelve years old and boy what a birthday present this was. My Dad, several weeks before, had called from Florida and asked how I would like Florida as a birthday gift. Well let me tell you I was the most popular girl in school then, the other kids like me had never been away neither. It seemed the day would never come and now here I was looking at this wonderfully giant moon. Falling in love right then and there, my heart was filled.

The warm golden rays of brilliance ran across the soft splashing waves, with a gentle sound as the waves came ashore becoming one. There was no horizon or skyline just moon and water. A brilliant painting by a master above, I felt then the pull of this magnificent force that would last my lifetime and beyond. This would be the first of many years and nights standing next to this beauty and yet I would never again capture the moon as I had that night. I often wondered if maybe God just made that night for me, a once in a lifetime view. The beautiful Atlantic Ocean and the Moon still pull at my heart and I often long for that wonderful scene to reappear just once more.

Erma

2006-01-06T09:55:00.000-05:00

Erma sat there in the small room stifled by the strong pungent odor of cigarettes and garbage of weeks gone by. Her eyes sunken and black were like holes left from a bomb. Her face drawn, with her skin sallow and lifeless she flung papers one after another through the stale air.

Words echoing through her mind so fast she could hardly get them down on paper as she flung a new batch to the already covered floor. What is wrong she asked herself, over and over I have done this and still I am at the beginning once again. Where is the beginning and why can’t I write my words to fit the ending which I so clearly see.

“Damn writing, to hell with it,” she said standing up and tripping on the pile at her feet. Kicking them she flew into a rage and sat back down. “Damn you I will finish this and no you are not going to stop me, do you hear me” she screamed into the smoked filled air.

The words had come so easily in the beginning, in her dream she knew every one of them, she saw where it would take her and she knew a best seller would soon hit the markets. She would be overcome with accolades from all the important people of the publishing world demanding another great work from her.
Throwing her head down on the pile of unfinished papers she sobbed. Who was she kidding, herself? Reaching for another cigarette, realizing the pack was again empty, she fumbled looking, almost ranting as she realized there was no more.

“Well hell,” she said as she strode through the door slamming it. The short walk to the corner Handy Mart seemed to give her a sense of freedom as she told the man to give her four cartoons of cigarettes and a fifth of their cheapest whiskey. Paying the man she left, to return to her rancid room. “This time by damn I will find the words and I will write my best story ever,” she muttered as she reached for the door, flinging the package down and finding a dirty glass pouring herself a glass full. Ripping the cigarette from the pack she lit it and sat down by her desk. Savoring the whiskey and the long drag from the cigarette, “this time, this time” she said.

Her eyes seemed to suddenely come to life and her heart skipped a few beats. Taking another long slug from her glass and a long drag from her cigarette, she grabbed her pen and began to write. The words were blurred and she became more intense and fierce as her hand moved across the paper.

With sirens blaring, the police came. The stench from the room had alarmed her neighbors and they had made the call. “Every one stand back,” the policeman said as he kicked the door open. Covering his nostrils and moving forward he saw her slumped on the desk, the bottle knocked over, cigarettes lay burnt all over the desk. The medical examiner came inside now and looking about he said “doesn’t look like foul play here," as he moved her body. His eyes went to the piles of papers, “my lord son look at this” he said. The pen had fallen from her hands and her scrawled words read, “I finally made the headlines.”

2006-01-04T06:18:00.000-05:00

Through the darkness of rain and night
Words echoed deeply within their hearts
They had been found, deep within the earth

Hope sprang forward with light
Then hours later, a desperate cry
Twelve dead, one clinging, hanging on

Sorrow, anger, tears flowing
A miscommunication, sorry they said
Now family’s broken, need time

Lift up your prayers my friends
Pray that the broken spirits will heal with time
Pray for those gone on, in the bowels of earth

2006-01-03T18:55:00.000-05:00

When His soul touches a heart
Heaven is close at hand
While love warms and wraps your being
The soul seals and heals your wounds

So let your heart be touched by His soul
Feel heaven as you look at Him
Know that His being is near
Forever to touch and hold you

Be the keeper of my soul
While I walk the plains of earth
Be the keeper of my soul
When I return to you forever

2005-12-31T10:53:00.000-05:00

December 31, 2005
It’s the New Year once again, and I’m right where I was this time last year. No advancement, no gain except that I am older. A little wiser in some ways and a little sadder that my children are so far away, I am thankful for the great friends of the Internet World. I make no New Years Resolutions, as I would only break them. I will make this one promise to myself only, that I improve my life in some way. Reckon a path will open and hopefully I choose wisely this year.
My wish for those I love is to live good, pure in heart as can be done in these times and for the safety of my precious Troy to return home. A new Grandchild will be born this year and I pray for Sarah’s health and the health of the new one. Hopefully my daughter will visit and my precious girl’s who filled my life with so much joy will come for a visit.Out there in my Internet world, I pray Carolyn finds her new home and Bob doesn’t have to drive so far. I pray John will sell his paintings and Easywriter will write a book. I pray for my friends in Port to have a wonderful year and that David will return from Afghanistan.
Enjoy this view of the Oregon Coast line; let its dreams fill your heart , as it washes away the old and brings renewed hope with new found peace for now and always. God Bless all our Servicemen and Women who are far from home. Happy New Year All. Welcome to January 1,
2006

A Mothers Prayer

2005-12-18T00:42:00.000-05:00

She sits quietly along with her thoughts
A child far away is drawing her heart
Tugging the threads that bound them

Weaving words of love that run silently
Asking for protection and guidance for him
This day, as she feels his spirit close

Wisdom has taught her patience
Prayer has given her solace
As she ask God to watch over him

A tear falls down her cheek
As she ask that if it is to be
Please spare her son ,for she has lived

She is satisfied with her works here
He has much left to do
A wife and children wait for him

As a warm comfort comes over her
She utters a small sound
His will be done this day I pray
Amen
© Tobie Haga Roy
Picture by © Robert Pollerana

2005-12-15T02:44:00.000-05:00

The loneliness of my earthly being
Seeks comfort from my Heavenly Lord
Arms that once held a child
Have now turned to emptiness

Giggles that turned to laughter
Now gone far away
Emptiness settles at night
Where once laugher was

Chores once done with happiness
Now lay to be done
Silence fills the hearth
As dinner passes

Day is ended when darkness comes
Blue skies turned grey
Loom over my being
As I seek thy comfort Lord
Art Work by © John Sparks

2005-12-09T14:07:00.000-05:00

I'm just a crazy old woman some days and yep you guessed it this is one of'um. Thought I would share a big chunk of my heart and pictures of my son and his Bridage leaving Fort Carson. I was there in March and snow was on the ground then and I liked to have froze watching his Dad pin his new rank of Staff Sergeant (SSG). As you can tell I am really proud of him, he joined the Army after going back to school and getting his diploma (he had quit earlier cause of

his dad) He turned 18 right after that and joined, much to my broken heart. He is now 28, with a wife and 3 little children, a son and 2 girls. he says the Army is his home and he loves it a lot and that he owes the Army for making him what he is. Now how can I disagree with that. He believes in his Commander and his and his men's skills. This will be his second tour and he will be in the area of Balaad, (part of the horrible Triangle)

He is in a big old Bradley fighting vehicle and they are called the Fighting Eagles and lordy they can be loud, take my word for it He believes that each of you for which he serves, has the right to a voice, all he ever asks is give him and his fellow Soldiers the same respect. He believes very strongly in finishing the ones who have given the utmost sacrifice and those wounded.

So while his life will be rough this next year, think of the Soldiers away from loved ones and keep them in your heart and prayers. And by the way thanks for putting up with a crazy old woman.

2005-12-08T18:54:00.000-05:00

While I stand on your shore
I hear the crashing waves call to me
I yearn for the beauty and strength you possess
Carry me with you as night falls
Let thy waters forever flow over me
While the mist lets me escape into the safety of your arms

Finished Art Work by © John Sparks

2005-12-06T23:47:00.000-05:00

As I stand looking into your mist of darkness
Life returns by the shore for me
Once youthful and full of hope

Life was dreaming of Sailors and young Marines
For which the dance would begin
While another stood in the waning mist

Never capturing a heart from one
To last a lifetime of love
I moved onto another shore

Now years have passed and I look
To the shore once more
Where a world away lays a war

I call on your misty night and calming waters
To lift my heavy heart
Bring back those times of peace

Return those who have crossed your water
To another shore far from home
Bring them back to a shore of peace

© Art By John Sparks

poem by © Tobie

2005-12-05T14:26:00.000-05:00

“Hey God” Can we talk ?

Chapter 13

I’m pulled here tonight, eyes swollen from my tears of fear and horror. Scared more than I have ever been, my arms reaching for the one true thing in my life and yes it is you God. I need you more tonight than ever before, I need for you to understand me and my fears. It seems in one way that I have no faith in you when these fears take root in my heart. Is that the evil working against you I ask? Is that the evil that has these manic people killing anyone they can and using your name to declare their justice and revenge?
I know that you will not place more than I can handle, but don’t you think my limit has been reached? Lordy I do. I know before when I faced all this you sent a special person to me to help get me through all these terrible times and I feel selfish and unworthy asking you to help me bear all this, when my son and other’s sons have a much greater need than I. Last night I realized some of what it takes for a man to face battle and God you know I would never measure up to half that much. Having to leave the ones who fill their lives with joy to a land far away, never knowing where or when danger will explode by them. Oh boy now that is courage that I can’t even imagine enduring and I ask myself, why then do I feel so weak and unbelieving. In the last few days you have been here and you’ve seen the tears and fear that I am so over filled with, why then can I not lay it aside and just put all my faith in you, knowing that you have the power to intercede when needed. Don’t go getting mad at me now, its not the time you know, I want to feel peace in my heart and I can’t. You got any ideas that might work? I know evil is here on earth by mans choosing of long ago, Lordly I sure wish they had made a better decision back then.
Can I ask you a huge favor please? Can you help end this war? Can you reach the hearts of those so filled with hate that want to harm others? Also may I ask you why they believe that twenty virgins will be waiting for them in heaven? What good is that? I really think that people of all faith can live peacefully on this great place you gave us if they would only try, but man I got to tell you my heart is Harding against many of them, it’s awfully hard to turn the other cheek long bout now. Yeah, that’s gonna get me a knuckle job huh? I’ll be here listing to you real close. I need to hear the soft whispers of you, brush my heart and soul, bringing that peace that only you can fill one with. Remember that I love you and again thank you for the good friends I have found, I bet you lead them to me huh? You knew I needed someone; it’s just so good to count on you God. The one true factor of my life, I’ll be talking to you soon ok? Till then watch over our Soldiers and know they love you and fight for the freedom to choose good over evil, so please lean on the enemy more.

2005-11-29T08:45:00.000-05:00

2005-11-16T00:14:00.000-05:00

I'm in a deep blue funk these days. I've just been trying to survive the over powering fear once again of my youngest son leaving for Iraq the first week of December. Tonight he calls and tells me he has good news to share with me ( he is going back to the same area of Iraq ) well let me tell you my heart dropped another level, its the Balaad area and no it is not a good area for any of our guys. Damn I hate this war, but yet I am so proud of him and those he serves with. All I seem to do is pray for the safety of all and try to remember the good times we have shared.
He had come home in August to go to Fort Benning for more intense training and came here every week-end when he could. He came to say goodbye a couple weeks ago on his way back to Fort Carson, he went out the door and left me one of his favorite Notre Dame caps to keep for his return, thats a special thing between me and him. It will be a long time before I see him again and I pray to God for grace and dignity to strengthen him and that God cover him with his all powerful shield of love, carry him when he finds things are to great to bear and protect all our soldiers there.
Thought I might share a picture he left with me, he was really enjoying his day.

Shadows

2005-10-14T06:17:00.000-05:00

Shadows creeping through the mind
Leave a mystery to unwind
Where silence has been rooted deep

Twinges of color slowly expose themselves
Blackness grabbing it back
Suffocating the wondrous hues

Words silenced from times lost
Memories float on endless air
Being pulled back into the dark

Visions reel before closed eyes
Blurred by scars left deep
Horror seeking and holding secrets

Sleep on while the shadows creep
Await them as time turns its spell
Waiting to devour the new that will come

Shadows will reveal the secrets one day
Fear will leave in its time
Colors and words will return as light appears

March on victorious and strong
Morning will claim the long night
Shadows will be caste aside forever more
©Tobie Haga Roy

2005-10-14T05:19:00.000-05:00

2005-10-14T02:30:00.000-05:00

My refuge in the storm of life
Her walls trying to crumple and fall
While winds whip and beat at her
They still hold by the power of God

Weight placed upon her massive structure
Bends and moans with each gust
Fear never gathers strength
While she stands upon solid ground

Many tempest come and go
Each placing a firm blow to her armor
Years of strife have never tore her core
As the sands and times of life beat at her

Lifting her higher and casting her glow
Upon seas of the troubled and storm filled waters of life
My Port In The Storm gathers her
Kindred spirits and places them on solid ground
To face again another storm of life
©Tobie Haga Roy

2005-10-04T23:27:00.000-05:00

My scanner is a bit to small to capture all of this one. It is finger flowers painted in plum and pinks on a green background.I'll try it out but may delete it. I am working on a Stormy Sea one now, but am a bit slow to restart, my confidence is a bit wanning at the moment.

2005-10-04T19:20:00.000-05:00

I painted this for a very dear friend, Carolyn. I am not sure if it is any good as far as actual talent goes, but it came from my heart so it has value that is unmeasured as our friendship is. I promise it will be in the mail soon my friend. Love, Tobie

Painting For Carolyn

Our Soldiers, Our Families

2005-10-01T13:52:00.000-05:00

My tears fall softly down my cheeks
As I think of those in battle today
For the Mother’s and Father’s
Sisters and Brother’s

The rancid smell of weapons set off
While flesh is laying upon a street
Burnt beyond recognition
Mutilated by angry shells

A casket carried home
Draped with our Flag
One wonders the feelings
Of those in sorrow this day

Carry on they say to those who remain
March on for your Brother
Redeem his soul that was taken
In a foreign land

Seek Democracy and Freedom
Fight for rights of those deprived
Walk with confidence and head held high
You’re the Anchor that keeps us free.
©Tobie Haga Roy

He's Just A Man

2005-09-28T15:12:00.000-05:00

He’s just a man
He could be your husband, son or brother
Maybe an uncle or nephew

But never less just a man
He could be of small frame or even large
Skinny or somewhat robust
His shoulders always straight, never bent

He walks with confidence, right on his side
Courage lies deep within his soul
Fear a factor, never far away

Bravery beyond his calling is never questioned
His strength is unmeasured against many enemies
His challenges are met with unyielding resolve

After all he is just a man
My son, your son, your husband or brother
He belongs to a league of men

They are the backbone of you and me
They are the mighty warriors
Of our fighting force

God Bless these Honorable men
Who lay down their life and soul
For the rights of you and me

Freedom is not just a word
Lives are lost, lives mangled in battle
While he is just a man, he is so much more
© Tobie Haga Roy

2005-09-26T22:38:00.000-05:00

Is there a moment that you know?
Above all else, precise and defining
An extraction of your heart has taken place

Is there a moment that you know?
Your heart has been touched by another
Joined in time and thought forever

Is there a moment that you know?
A force larger than life
Has consumed your being

Is there a moment that you know?
Pleasure beyond recognition of words
Where two become one forever more

© Tobie Haga Roy

2005-09-12T05:45:00.000-05:00

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!!

Today waking up around 3 A.M. this morning, my mood was very grouchy. I sat drinking my coffee and turned the television on. Finding much the same, bickering, people still in need, our political system with its wheels in motion, causing people to start the fabulous blame game.

I turned my thoughts to a man whom I respected and heard his words echo back to me, “HERE WE GO AGAIN.” How true they rang then as now. One must sit back and ask themselves is this the way our world should be? Can we not Learn from all the mistakes made? Why now with all the destruction and so many people needing so very much, can this not be let go for now? The proper time will come for an inquiry into fact or neglect of those stranded into days of horror and want.

For Goodness gracious people think of something (just once) other than playing politics. Out attention is needed by the people of those states who’s lives have been destroyed, neglected and in some cases abandoned. We must come together now; the world is watching us you know. Even Ben Laden and his Al-Qaeda are jeering at us and our failures and weakness, as the rest of the world is judging us and saying how badly we have handled this affair and tragedy that came with it.

Think what the terrorist must be thinking now, how easy it would be for them to come storming back into our NATION, we must quit putting our dirty laundry out, for the entire world to see. The news media says it is their right to report, Yes maybe so, but by golly they should put some restrictions on themselves, as to me it seems they reveal many things that would be better left in the private halls of our Government, but then again that is for another day.

I want to wake up for just once, and be happy to see those we have helped start anew and learn of new buildings and homes being built, gas prices down and our Stock Markets up. I want to look forward to news the War has ended and no more of our young men and women being killed in a foreign land. Just for once people, can’t we just pull together and support our fellowman.

Do we really need a scapegoat each time a tragedy strikes America?

2005-09-02T00:16:00.000-05:00

Love, Faith, Hope, Charity

Tonight among the many pictures
I closely watch and listen
To the cries of many

My heart is touched
My eyes full of tears
As I watch a city in despair

A city I loved to visit
A place I called home
For a brief time

Friends left there
Many just out of touch
Buried deep within my heart

As I sit and pray
For them and all the others
May America come together

With
Love
Faith
Hope
Charity

Leave the criticizing
For another day
Just work together, I pray
http://redcross.org/

Can I Touch Your Heart

2005-08-31T21:46:00.000-05:00

Can I touch your heart?
Will your ears hear my plea?
Will you reach beyond your world?

They are alone and frightened
Fearing worse as days linger one to another
Who will care?

Can you just simply think of another?
Whose needs are greater than any you might have
Where will you sleep tonight my friend?

Will tomorrow grant you peace of mind
For many there will be no peace
No food, no water, just dread

Can I touch your heart?
Can I get you to care?
Please donate and help others in need

http://redcross.org/
© Tobie Haga Roy

2005-08-23T04:05:00.000-05:00

Don't speak for me Cindy Sheehan

I am so fed up with this story and her road to fame. What does the word Noble mean ? In case you don't really know here is the definition at Dictionary.com

noble

adj 1: having high moral qualities; "a noble spirit"; "a solid citizen"; "an upstanding man"; "a worthy successor" [syn: solid, upstanding, worthy- Solid---Upstanding and dependable: a solid citizen,-- upstanding, ---adj : having high moral qualities; "a noble spirit"; "a solid citizen"; "an upstanding man"; "a worthy successor". Ok you get my drift right?

I am the Mother of an Army man and a Mother-in-law to a fine young man who flies Helicopters for the Army. Yes I have earned the right to speak. If either of these two fine young men were taken out while in Iraq or any service in the Army I would be more than upset and probably would never get over the loss. I understand her pain and somewhat understand her anger. She needs to remember her son for the good he did, the honor for which he served and did what was asked of him. Like my son says he knew the cost when he signed the dotted line, cold yes it is, but truth is what it says.

I am sure that I am not the only Mother who feels that she is dishonoring her son, SHE DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO SPEAK FOR ME as you see I am quite capable of doing it and doing it well.

Where was she when all the talk was a buzz in Washington before the war, why did she not speak and cause this ruckus then, I would have joined her then. I"m speaking of late September before the war, as my Daughter was still in the Army also. I sent open letters to the PRESIDENT to all the major newspapers and they all refused to publish what I wrote then, as sure as I am now that if only it leads to something big its not news in their books and lets face it, my opinion didn't matter then and probably not now. The question I asked then was, that I wanted absolute proof of those ill begotten MASS DESTRUCTION WEAPONS BEFORE ONE LIFE WAS LOST. I wanted to know absolute proof that Saddam was a danger to Our Country. I sent an email to some trying to stir interest but to no avail, I tried to ask for proof, if he was a THREAT TO OUR GREAT COUNTRY, I damn well wanted to see it. No one listened nor cared then. No I didn't ask for the U N to bless this war. I wanted truth before it had a chance to start, from one man only, THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF, who would start this ACTION.

Don't you wonder why this all happened, I do many times and as I asked then or rather said, that Mr. Bush our President wanted revenge for Saddam trying to have Daddy killed, bet I'm not far off folks. You can offer up your opinion and dwell on this subject for years if you live that long, but for me, I truly believe it was not for Oil, or profit, only for revenge for dear Old Daddy.

I will close this with the words of Wisdom from my young son; I'm well trained, well supplied and capable of doing a good job for my country. What man would not lay down his life for his Country?

War has been since the beginning of time, ( remember Cain and Able ) after all Eve did start the wheels in motion. Some idiot will always come along to start one without ever thinking of who they hurt, as long as they achieve what they want.

I don't want to hear anymore from Cindy Sheehan.

Did You

2005-08-15T22:37:00.000-05:00

Did you ever wonder why you made a blog? Was it just to get in on the action? Did you really think people would come and read your words, look at your pictures or just listen to you rattle on about whatever?
Well I am here to say I probably fall under all of those, but what the heck, it got me up from the TV, and thats saying something right there. Well I am tired and bored as hell and just plain depressed about blogging. It seems its just as dead as the group I manage, truth hurts at times and now is one of those times. Can't say I have had a goodtime mainly all alone, sometimes easywriter and Carolyn drop in, but heck I wanted the whole world. Well Rome wasn't built in a day or even a year and I felt like spouting off at something, so here's to an empty space thats taking up cyber space (Wonder if it has a limit)?
Not even going to yell real loud just getting it right out of my system for now, if you happen around, good, if not do I care. I'll have to ponder on that I reckon, night cyber space, hope you enjoyed my visit.

Come Share My Campfire-Chapter 2

2005-08-14T12:03:00.000-05:00

Thanks for coming and keeping me company, just pull up a log and grab a hot cup of coffee, it's ready and some coffee cakes are over by the pot.The warmth of my campfire is calling me back, bringing me to the safety of long ago. The night is beautiful with stars flickering from the heavens above and I am drawn into a peaceful state, a slight chill runs over me as I move closer to the fires warmth. I sense someone else is here, yet I can not see them, but their presence is strong as I gaze into my fire, wishing for all the things I once had, the safety of Mom and Dad and my brothers. Feeling the loss so very much these days, I had to come back here to my roots, my beloved mountains here in Tennessee. I needed to ground myself again and draw strength from things I so loved, and had learned in those early years of my life.
It seems lately I am hiding in my own selflessness and letting those down who believed in me. Fear is knocking on my door these days as I struggle to come to terms with current events that soon will be right here. Dread has turned me into a recluse, not wanting to be a part of anything, yet deep down I want to enjoy all that is around me, but my fear along with the dread keeps me from reaching out to those who I so love.
My world is changing and seems control is turned over to someone else, I don’t know how my parents managed some of the changes they faced, seemed they were always strong and knew the right ways to choose and wisdom to know that difference. Is that where this is taking me, courage to face and know the difference, to place my faith alone in the only hands that have never forsaken me?
“Oh goodness” I say as the fires glow is so magical and now I need to add another few logs, “excuse me while I get a couple” I need that feeling to last the night, as I grab my blanket now and lie by the fire. My eyes are heavy and I am so tired, the fires warmth is soothing me into that safety net I so need as sleep finally comes and my dreams now take me into my fears.
I see myself in my living room, on the phone and tears streaming down my face as I am listening to a voice from the other end. It is my youngest son, Troy and he is saying goodbye to me once again, telling me things will be good and he will write soon as he can to let me know he is all right. I hear his loving words as he says “Mom this is not goodbye, it’s I’ll see you in awhile, remember don’t worry the Army has trained us well.” As I hear the dial tone, my prayers are going fast as my words can be released to the heavens above. Tears fall in fear as I try to cling to my beliefs, “oh God, please keep him in your care and grace.
Now the phone is ringing once again, another familiar voice that I have come to love is there saying “hi Mom, well I’m getting ready to take off, we leave in a few hours. Charlie and the girls will need you a lot more now. Listen out for them, and you take care, I’ll write soon and let you know how things are here, love you Mom, bye for now.” Bye Jack, I love you, hearing the dial tone again tears fall for the fear is overwhelming me now, as I quickly send my prayers off to the heavens once more, asking God to keep him in his care and grace.
I feel a chill as my eyes open and my fire has gone out. This had never happened before, is this a sign of things to come as I get up to find more wood to make another fire. Soon the new fire is going and I sit back on my log looking into that fire. It comes to me that my fire went out to put my fears to rest, I had given my dread and fear’s a face, I had placed them into the hands of God He had received them and now he would once again put me to the test. Would I pass this time, would I build my faith on the only rock I had ever known, yes I believed I would as I took a stick and went about poking the fire and felt the warmth of the embers spread over me, giving me the comfort I had searched for, wisdom to go on and face each day and take what ever comes in stride.
It’s time for me to leave my beautiful mountains again, as I put my fire out and gather my belongings up, I open the door to my old van and off in a distance I see them looking and waving to me, they were with me and would always stay with me. Bye Daddy and Momma, thanks for pulling me back here to touch those roots which you taught me, and to help me regain my strength as new days come, yes I love you and miss you, but the kids are needing me so I gotta get going, as I start the old van up and head for home.
© Tobie Haga Roy

Come Share My Campfire-Chapter 1

2005-08-14T12:01:00.000-05:00

I want to go traveling a bit, come journey with me and sit by my campfire, while I look back and maybe forward to tomorrow. Its getting close to the end of the day and I’m, kinda tired from the drive. I found the old camp stove and have Dad’s old coffee pot right here, give me a few and I’ll brew us up some. I got the tin cups and yep I have all the breakfast fixings, so tomorrow will be a nice wakening with fired taters and bacon sizzling away. So while you think about all that and maybe what you will share with me let me drag a few logs closer.
Isn’t this a great place, I love it here in the hills of North Carolina, Cherokee is a favorite of my past, many a weekend here with my family and I’ve had a longing to be here for awhile now, thanks for coming here with me. Sometimes we can find a new look on life if we can only see what we saw as a child, remember how fresh and good the world was back then. I hope that we can all meet again at one of your favorite places and learn things you experienced when you were a child.
I think I was bout seven when Dad first brought us here. He had a van like truck and Mom would load it on a Friday afternoon and in a few hours we would have a big campfire going. Mom would get the stove out and fry us some fish the boys had caught, as they loved fishing, we would have coleslaw she made at home with, (yep you guessed it) fried taters. Later she would pull out that Coconut cake with her famous white icing and boy you talk bout eating we sure could put it away. We never had paper plates and we would wash the dishes in the lake, then Mom would boil some water and scald them dishes for the morning.
After an evening of us kids playing and running back into the woods, Mom would call us and say time for bed and we would gripe and complain. Dad with his firm voice would say that’s enough now and off we would go finding our blanket and fighting over where each would sleep. I liked being by the fire, that way if a ghost or some critter was gonna come, he would stay away from the fire, I would laugh to myself and say, “just think one of them ghost might like my brothers” and I would fast fall asleep snuggled in my blanket on the ground by the fire.
The next morning aroma from the sizzling bacon would waken us and off to the lake for a quick dip to wash away our stink of the night. Mom had to cook a lot of bacon and she would always make our eggs in bacon grease, yummy, yummy was all I could ever say. Dad would take the boys and the guns and off into the woods, I would help Mom around the campfire and then we both went down to the lake to fish. Mom always had to bait my hook as I wouldn’t touch them big grunt worms as they would ooze all over your hand (yuk) Mom would easily catch them fish. Seems like the old tale “of throwing a fish back in would ruin your luck,” well that was me, but I never gave up trying.
Dad would bring the boys back and set up a place for target practice and we all tried our hand at shooting, I had gotten pretty good now and could almost hit the bulls eye Dad had made from an old cornflake box. Of course the boys were really good and Mom well she would only shoot one round and quit, she didn’t much like guns, boy us kids loved doing that. The boys had learned to shoot the thirty-ought-six not me, that thing had a kick that would knock you on your butt if you were that lucky and a sore shoulder to boot. We just had great times there, nothing ever planned just listen to Dad tell us some stories of his life and Mom well her early years were in an orphanage and she din’t like to talk bout them so we left her be on that. We would all swim in the lake and play around, me getting mad cause the boys would dunk me anytime they could and yes off I would go by myself to get away from them. I hated getting dunked and they knew it, I wonder now if they would still get me if they could.
I guess revisiting this place has let me see that I was a fighter and yes I was a tomboy and loved horsing around with the boys as long as they wouldn’t dunk me, I could handle all the other tough things they handed to me. Was this a conditioning for my later life? I think yes, I managed to be strong when needed and soft when it mattered most. I learned truth and family are my deepest values; of course God is my greatest achievement, meeting him there in those hills and seeing his beauty as a child touched in me that part which I rarely share with other folk. I was selfish in that, I knew he was mine even then and yes later I did walk away from him, but thanks for those hills and weekends I found my way back to him
There were many weekends spent roaming there and we would visit other places like Virginia, I reckon every child should be exposed to nature and family values; they are so easily instilled in a child when life is simple and pure. Where the world’s influence is left out and just wholesome goodness exist to pass on to children, I thank God for those endearing times and I hope you enjoyed my campfire, please share it again with me.
©Tobie Haga Roy

Spouting Off I Reckon

2005-08-12T17:00:00.000-05:00

I recently posted this on a blog for a response they had going on, to silently march on Washington. I also do get angry and I for one would like truth, nothing but the truth. I for one know it will never come (at least not in my lifetime ) to be, I think somewhere along the way Washington has forgotten where to find truth and live by it. Our value system is so long gone and yes many think of us as Bully's of the Universe, I ask myself if in many ways is this not true, for if it were not we would find war would have been the last option on the list. we need to vote and get new blood in All of Washington, not just the White House. The people who have been in office for years need to go, get some fresh blood and thinking, maybe they will listen to WE THE PEOPLE OF THIS GREAT LAND. If you find you disagree, find a way that represents our fine young men and women who carry our Honor to other shores. First I would ask you to stop a Soldier and ask how he feels about the war and his duty. I have not found one here at Fort Stewart to say no they should come home. Now that is pride in what they do and how they feel, fighting to Honor the Fallen and Wounded, can't you find a way to peacefully do the same?

Here is my answer for the call to Silently March on Washington

While I might agree on some points with you, I look to one of my inspirations in life My Son, he is a Staff Sergent, a lifer with the Army, he has 3 small children,(1 of which was born while he was there boots on the ground),I have his letters and I still hear his words of wisdom when I complained on how unfair the war was and begged him to get out of the Army. He says it is his Honor to serve and that Bush is his Commander and he will fight with his last breath to maintain that Honor. He says to leave now will let down all those who have lost their lives and the ones who came home mutilated. He asked me what Honors lies in a man that would not lay down his life for his country, I respect that and him, so that being said he keeps his political views to himself and does a fine job training his men and offering words of comfort to me and his wife. He will leave to go back soon for another year, scared hell yes I am and I know he carries the right amount of fear with him to survive. I will not Dishonor any Military man with this and in no way would I ever support Move-On, he dishonored so many in his attempts to discredit. We must find a better way to end the war than the Hatred that is starting to consume this great country, peace is a blessing to each one of us and we must follow the Soldiers who fight to bring that peace, don't tarnish that Honor while you try to change views of our country.

PLease visit my friend John

2005-07-31T00:55:00.000-05:00

I recently found a new Artist and his works are Masterpieces, his name is John and I so do like him and his work. He is in need of help spreading his name and people buying his wonderful art. Please visit and explore his site, buy if you can. You will not regret the time it takes to explore his art, thanks.

The Old Rocking Chair

2005-07-26T00:29:00.000-05:00

She sat quietly in her old and worn rocking chair. Savoring every moment and every memory. She had rocked each of her children from the time of their birth. As they had grown, she would comfort them with the soft creaking of the old chair. After they were grown she had kept the old chair and consoled herself in comfort and all the warm memories, living through time as though each were new. She loved this old chair, and for all that it meant. Today had come and she had long dreaded its coming.Today, they would soon be here, as she tried to put it out of her mind, she did not want to leave, but the children thought it was best, as they were all busy with now raising their own families. They said she did not need to be alone now and that she needed to have someone close now that she was getting old. Her sickness had come swiftly and really with no warning. She knew in her heart it was best, but still letting go was so very hard. She knew in her heart there was not much left to do. She had made her way to this time in destiny.The children had come and taken her to see where she would live now, they thought it best and that she would get the best care. They had made sure to ask all the right questions and had called to see if they were a reputable place. They had come with a very high rating, so the children were satisfied that she would receive the very best of care. She knew it would not matter, as she heard the car drive up. No she was not ready to leave and the children would be so impatient with her. Not understanding how hard this was. Leaving her home and going to live among strangers, in a foreign place was not to her liking. She could only take some small personnel things; she had tried to gather them, holding each one close. Looking around this place she had grown to love, she could only gather those memories closeFor now the time had come to say goodbye to this old wonderful home. The children had sold it now. Someone new would get to live and make new memories. Quietly she hoped that some of the warm memories would linger long after she was gone. She hoped the new people would sense the love that had filled this old house with all those warm memories floating into their life and give them comfort as it had given her.How did she say goodbye to this place now as she slowly got up out of the old rocking chair. Her heart pounding she slowly opened the door and let the children in.Where had the time gone so quickly, seems like she was just entering here, time had passed fast and now had caught up with her. The children gathering her things, ready to go stood impatiently waiting on her. Please she asked give me a moment I will be out soon, as they left quietly, she went to her old chair and stood looking at the one thing she would miss most was her old rocking chair. The children said that she could not take it so she would leave it for the new people and hope it would comfort them and their children as it had her. She put out her hands to gently stroke and caress the worn old arms and said goodbye my friend as she quietly closed the door.
Dedicated to a very lovely woman, Teresa, who is in heaven now
© Tobie Haga Roy

Whispers of The Wind

2005-07-05T14:48:00.000-05:00

Whispers Of The Wind

As I sit today looking back in time. Remembering the way you came to me, as a whisper of hope flew gently in my mind. I had seen you in my dreams many times running free as the wind called to you. A gentle whisper of wind stirred your soul from the day you came.
After many years of searching for just the right horse, you would be here soon. My heart pounded, my palms were sweating as excitement grew. I thought of how lucky I was to have seen the newspaper ad, and off we had gone in search of you. I had stood in total amazement of your superior strength and beauty. A beautiful magnificent stallion of white, with your leopard spots. Your thick white mane was long and felt like silk through my fingers. Those beautiful eyes pierced my soul; I knew I had found you, my wild leopard appaloosa stallion. You stood seventeen hands tall. I remember chuckling, as I couldn’t see over your back. Your tail was long nearly touching the ground as you stood so proudly as if saying to me, take me with you. Oh I wanted you so very much. We would have some to juggling to do, as I made the deal with the man. He would bring you to us, spending the weekend helping us get to know you. I must say you were more than a mite stubborn; few had ever put a saddle on you, for which I was happy, as I wanted you to be free. Your name was Geronimo, it had been given to you at birth for the fierce proud Indian, who had stood in battle defiant, it was befitting of you. From the stories told of you, through your short five years of life, you had more than earned it. Many had come to respect your magnificent strength and spirit.
Mr. Kenny had not wanted to sell you to my husband and I, as we were not skilled in taking care of such an aggressive horse. He could sense the immediate bonding, after talking for a few hours we would let it rest till the next day. We had gone home that night excited and hopeful that you would soon be ours. Talking late into the night we made plans of what needed to be done to make ready for you, we knew somehow you would be ours. The phone rang early in the morning, Mr. Kenny telling us that we now were the proud owners of you. We were jumping up and down hugging and laughing as we made plans to have you delivered to us. Offering us help in learning your likes and dislikes. Cautioning us that he did not care for anyone on his back he would show us the scars where you had thrown him off when he came with you. Well my heart just seemed to beat faster with all the excitement of you. Wild, I liked that a lot, I only wanted you to love and care for, my husband wanted to ride and tame you. Silently I hoped that you would never allow him to close, as in my heart you were mine alone now. I was bonded to you by just the look in your eyes, searching them and seeming to know your deepest thought; I couldn’t wait till you would arrive.
The other horses out in the barn, seemed to sense things were changing, the dogs were out running around and I knew I needed to catch them, so they wouldn’t frighten you. I had chased Rufus for an hour, seemed he didn’t like me locking him up. He knew he was boss of this place free to do, as he liked. Sleepy my little beagle came right away he loved being in my favorite chair and would sleep the day till I would scoot him out, then he would just plop back up into my lap looking at me with those big sad eyes, oh I so loved him.
Friends had wanted to come over while you were being delivered, we asked them nicely to please let us be alone for the weekend telling them they could come over in the week to check you out. Everyone was excited and wanted to celebrate, share the joy of you. We thought best for it to be quiet when you came to make the adjustment easier for you and us.
We had worked hard getting your stall ready reinforcing it, just in case you decided to get a little frisky. Fresh hay had been put in, your water pails filled with fresh drawn well water. We had gone to the feed store and bought the just the right food for you, the right proteins and vitamins that you needed were added in. All we needed now was you as I heard the truck coming down the long dirt road. The trailer hitting the few holes as the bouncing noise grew close, my heart was going to beat right out of my chest I thought as the moment I so long awaited was here minutes away. Tears of joy flowing now, my dream was real, as I clutched my husband’s arm.
Mr. Kenny pulled the truck up and opening the door, got out and asked if we were ready for some excitement and not knowing what to expect we said yes as he went to the back of the trailer. He told us to stand way back as he backed you from the trailer. Well glory be, I said as you did indeed enlighten us, as you reared and pulled on the rope he held you with. Feet reaching in air and bucking, I couldn’t help but laugh, we sure were going to have our hands full now. After he said a few words to you, it was like magic you stood all proud and quiet as you let us come closer. I had gotten apples for you hoping to win you over immediately. Laying one in my palm, I put it out to you and it one quick bite the apple was gone. Wanting more you quickly looked for the next one as I laughed from happiness. Then you sensed the other horses and got all frisky again, Mr. Kenny asked if we had any mares and we told him yes. Baby Jane was her name and she also was raising cain. Mr. Kenny asked where Geronimo’s stall was and we told him down on the end and he suggested that we move Baby Jane to the other end. As my husband made the necessary adjustments to the stalls, we talked and he suggested that I let my husband tend to him for awhile, saying I could stop and say hello and let him slowly learn me and I him. By this time I was getting a little frightened of the huge responsibility we had taken on, hoping things would somehow work out. Mr. Kenny sensing that I was somewhat scared now, tried to ease my mind and let me know it would turn out fine. Just don’t rush things he said, I was more than glad to accept that for the time being.
My husband taking the ropes lead you back to the stall, having to pass Baby Jane, and acting up a bit you settled down going into the stall with little trouble. Buck and Clyde seemed to pay no mind to you as all they wanted was fresh hay and feed, they were always easy going. Coming back out my husband was gleaming from ear to ear, as we talked and sat around learning tales about you and your habits along with a list of dislikes. We learned quickly that sudden noises sudden movements would startle and frighten you. After awhile Mr. Kenny said goodnight telling us he would be he back the next day. He would show my husband your routine of the work out you loved doing. We couldn’t wait it seemed like forever right then as we said goodnight to him, thanking him for his time and caring we went into the house. Needing to let the dogs out, my husband took them out, walking back to the stalls, Rufus followed him back to the barn where you were housed knowing another horse was there he started barking and raising cain. Up setting you as you kicked the walls in your stall, he was quickly pent up for the night. Sleepy would stay by the door waiting for his chance to get back in my chair. After all he just seemed to like the rabbits that came from the woods.
In the days coming Mr. Kenny had shown us much, life settled in a steady pace as you had finally settled down to your ways, so we thought. My favorite thing with you was giving you a bath. You seemed to love the soapy water all lathered up and the scrubbing you would get. I would spend an hour brushing you and your long mane and tail, getting all the tangles out had become one of your favorite things for me to do. I supposed that you just liked the brushing and pampering I gave to you. Then after we would have that all done, you would go back to your stall and roll in the fresh hay that had been laid for you. One weekend, my husband yelled for me to come out and there he was sitting on your back, well I liked to have passed out right there. You seemed to be just fine as he put you through the paces he had learned I was in total shock. He had wanted to surprise me and well I must say he did as he told me of the long hours put in while I was at work with you. I had to admire him for being brave enough to get up on you. You were truly enjoying the outing your wonderful routine was pure enjoyment to watch. Mr. Kenny happened to just come by then, he was amazed that my husband had been able to ride you quite so soon. Telling us if we wanted to breed Baby Jane he would come and help us with that. Waiting for her to come in season passed quickly and we soon called him. Everyone had gathered at our house that day. All wanted to witness this breeding, we all were excited at the prospect of a foal. Mr. Kenny told my husband to lead Baby Jane out to the back to a place there, he would bring you around, telling the rest of us that were watching to stay back. When he had you out of your stall, it was if you knew what and where you were going. Your neck arched like a Lippizan Stallion, you quickly followed. I had never seen such a magnificent animal, as you were that day. It would be awhile before we would know if there was going to be a fold. Months later we would be awakened in the night by noise coming from the barn. As we rushed to the barn where the noise had not stopped, their lay a beautiful little foal just born as her Mom cleaned her. As she stood for the first time, her little legs trembling and shaking I was in total awe of this great beauty of life and wept tears of joy. Baby Jane was going to be a great mom as she stood over her foal nurturing her.
My husband was out cleaning the stalls feeding all the horses and playing with Rufus and Sleepy, when a crash came from behind him, turning all he could do was jump out of the way. You came charging past him. With your long white mane flowing your tail streaming like a breeze you were off down the long dirt road right into traffic. He ran for the truck and I ran to call Mr. Kenny and ask him for help. Mr. Kenny got to us fast as he could. Both men now went off to try and find you. I was crying for fear you would be hit by a car or truck. Our first horse called Son had been killed when a car had hit him. I couldn’t stand the thought of that pain again. It was too much for me as I broke down and sobbed my tears of fear. Calling Sleepy to come to me I hung on to him waiting. They had been gone for hours my fears were getting the best of me, when I heard a noise coming from the woods. There you were in all of your magnificent glory standing proud, almost seeming to smile at the freedom you had just enjoyed. I didn’t know what to do but leave you be. I could only hope they would get back soon. Finding you a patch of grass. You rewarded yourself grazing till you heard the truck coming down the dirt road. Standing there looking at them, you just turned back to the grass. Joy was all over both of the mens faces as they saw you, being surprised that you had came back they put a rope on you leading you back into the stall. After saying thank you to Mr. Kenny we went into the house and laughed at the scare we had endured, knowing it might happen again.
A few months passed I could never get the image of you running free out of my mind. Bracing myself for a fight, I engaged my husband in the prospect of finding you my wonderful Geronimo a place where you could run free. He didn’t want to and I really didn’t, as we argued back and forth all night, finally he agreed as the thoughts of your mane flying in the wind that day touched my heart. I knew it would be right to try and set you free. Another month passed, finally we found a place for you to be. It was a big ranch to the south of us, with lots of room, you could run and not feel fenced in anymore. You would be able to graze all day if you wanted. The man taking you would only use you for stud; your legacy would live on. What more could I now ask for, I had been given a great gift, now it was time to give back. Talking it over now we both knew it was coming to an end, it would be bitter sweet. As I cried myself to sleep that night, I dreamed I saw you running and free against a backdrop of blue skies and green meadows. The big truck and trailer arrived while I was gone. I couldn’t stand the pain of knowing you were leaving that day, I had called a friend to spend the day with her to try and ease my pain. Coming home that night I couldn’t even look to where the barn was, the dogs were quiet, my husbands was in tears as was I. He promised he would take me to see you soon. I never went, I couldn’t. I would settle with my dream of you in beautiful grassy meadows where you would hear the whispers of the wind as I imagined you running with your long white mane flowing, your long tail whispering in the wind.
©Tobie Haga Roy

Passing of The Demons

2005-06-21T22:47:00.000-05:00

As day passes, night shadows come with the last rays of light drifting silently across the sparsely filled room, an old iron framed bed sagging beneath weight, long needed replacing, a dresser with drawers broken and hanging, a closet with the door broken and scarred from things thrown in anger, the light beckoning to her as it roams the room like sparkles of anger to go with them. Fear, comfortably setting itself deep within her soul. Emptiness surrounding her, a depth of emotion never experienced before. Slowly rising, brushing the gnarled and matted hair from her brow, she reached for the dirty glass from nights before to fill it with whiskey. Gulping the fiery liquid she poured another, feeling the sudden rush of warmth knowing that it will stay and comfort her keeping her safe from demons that chase round and round in the last flickers of light. Are they locked into my mind she asked herself? Can I refuse to follow, will they then go or should she follow to see where they would carry her. Why fight the raging fire that burns so deep within, what possibility of wrong done can be undone Emptiness slowly overpowers her mind as she stumbles to her bed where dreams will fill her with memories past and present of life’s lost choices wrongly made. Sins too great to bear, regrets filling a river with salty tears that fall from her puffed eyes and ashen face. Lying there frozen into another time, bitterness and seeds of sorrow linger into another day. She realized too late that her lot had been cast, molds made and broken, no way to repair the wrongs done as she now faced the harvest of her life, barren and alone, drained of life. Return of the early morning light dawn breaks across the room where the wind softly blows the sweetness of day. She struggles to rise, to pull tighter the musty smelling drapes and close the shades, pouring another glass full of whiskey, turning she lay back upon the bed and begged to the demons to please take her with them, to save her from the day.
Beth heard the loud knocking and shouting from within the haze of whiskey, “go away” she screamed. Why did they continue to anger her, she wondered in her drunken stupor, didn’t they know she wanted to be alone forever now, ”just go away, go away,” she mumbled to herself as she reached for the whiskey again. “Damn it” who took my whiskey she screamed, “you had better get me another now, do you hear me damn it.” The knock had faded away; she could hear footsteps moving from the door as she pulled herself up. Holding her head, she ran her fingers over the tangled and matted hair pushing it from her face. “Oh hell what am I doing now?” she found herself listening to her voice, “who the hell are you and where did you come from, who told you, you could be here. Get the hell out now do you hear me.” Silence was her solitude and she wanted it to remain that way. She did not care what day it was or year, it could have mattered less, “damn I need a drink” she said reaching for the side of the dresser to pull herself steady,” now where did I put the damn money?” she said rummaging through the broken drawers, finding it she grabbed for the wall and went to the door. Cracking the door a bit she looked down the hallway, hoping no one would be out as she pulled it open. Hurriedly she ran down the hall and steps to the corner liquor store, “whiskey” she said as she laid the money on the counter, grabbing the bottle she ran back to her room. Breaking the seal she turned the bottle and drank a long slow drink, then she rested the bottle on the dresser and lay back on the bed, her face ashen after realizing she had faced the sunlight, now the demons would surely find her. She knew not to leave in the day, night was her only cover, she must not do that again as she fell asleep form the sudden rush of the excitement and liquor.
Waking hours later it was almost early morning, she lay there in soaked clothes, from the sweats of her stupor, tossing the dirty sheet off to the floor she reached for the whiskey again, it was almost gone now and she couldn’t remember drinking that much, “damn it the liquor store is closed” she said as the clock ticked almost four now. That meant going back off in the daylight as she downed another long drink and lay back down once again, this time sleep not coming to her and she began to weep loudly and then slowly a long blood curdling scream filled her body and she passed out once more.
Her dreams took her to a place she didn’t want to go and in her sleep she tossed and cried, ripping her soul where the demons she dreaded lived now. She was driving a new car, a big car, it was a bright red, her favorite color, the windows down and with the wind blowing her hair she sang, then turning to look in the backseat, she screamed as the car went turning into the air going round and round, then off down an embankment as the car still turned, catching fire as it landed below in the ravine. She didn’t hear the sirens and the ambulances as they had come, nor did she hear the people exclaiming how she could have survived this terrible crash. Some were looking to see if anyone else had been in the car, a stretcher was taking her away as she fought to go to the car screaming “he is in there please someone get him.” They hadn’t heard her as the car exploded and with her screams still ringing, the ambulance had driven away rushing her to the closest hospital. The doctors worked hard to save her, a lung had been damaged, her arm and both legs broken and a gash on her forehead needing many stitches. It would take months for her to recover the doctor had said to her family, stating she was very lucky to be alive. Her parents had come and her husband had remained with the car and the rescuers trying to find Davey, he was just three months old and a beautiful little boy, Beth had never been so happy as the day she had him and well her husband, Ben went crazy buying all the things for little boys
Ben standing quietly beside her bed when she awoke, with tears coming down his face she screamed again, as he reached to hold her and give her comfort, she jerked away screaming at him” go away, go away, you’re lying, no go away go.” Then she just simply went limp and slid into a coma. She had remained in the coma for almost a year and then one day as Ben begged her to come back to him her eyes opened and the look in them chilled Ben down to the core of his soul. Days later she told him to go away and never to come back, she refused to see her family and few close friends. Months later she left the hospital to go to a rehab, the doctors hoped there she would learn to walk again and with counseling she might get her life back. Ben never came back again and her family finally gave up hoping that in time she would come back to them.
It now had been five long years, Beth learned to walk again, the counseling had not helped her as she had checked herself out and left on the first bus she could get, she wanted to be far away from those who had known her, the ache in her heart had turned bitter and sour, blaming herself she needed to be away from those she had loved. This was unforgivable to her; she had cost her baby’s life and hurt her Ben more than anyone could have ever dared to. She belonged in jail or someplace else not free to live again and have a new life, she didn’t want one she wanted her baby and Ben. It was just too late now the damage had already been done and there would never be a way to repair or bring Davey back to her. She didn’t care where she was at or where she would live now as she looked for a room, finding one she went to find a liquor store, there she bought her first bottle of whiskey and drank it till her mind was numb and the hurt buried deep in her soul, she had said goodbye to Ben and Davey and now she would say goodbye to Beth, she no longer cared about anything. They were all gone and now just the demons would keep her and stay with her to torture her till one day she would be no more, how fitting she thought as she drank the whiskey to the last.
The knock came on the door again, this time no screams came as the man knocked again and again. No answer as he left once again, this time coming back with the lady who rented the rooms out. Asking her to open the door, he saw her there, lying in all the filth, broken and empty bottles all around, the room reeked of foul smells, as he leaned over her and gently felt for her pulse. It was there faint but there, as he asked the lady to call for an ambulance immediately. Rushing her to the hospital, the doctors worked fast and feverously over her, he knew it might be too late for her. He silently left to find a chapel, there he got down on his knees and asked the Lord to please spare her, she had punished herself enough, it was time for her to heal and come home with him, he loved her more than life itself and wept as he begged God to let her come back. Getting up he went back outside the door where she was. The doctor told him, “she might pull through, it depends on her will, and she has done a lot of damage to herself.” Ben thanked the doctor and found a room where he could wait till they moved her to a room, then he would stay with her till she came back to him, vowing never to leave her alone again, he silently prayed again.
Days passed as Beth fought to die, while Ben kept praying, it was as if two worlds were colliding and he was determined her world would survive and she would heal this time with his help and love, no forgiveness was necessary for him, as he had learned a tractor trailer truck had left its lane and hit her head on, the driver had survived and was living his own hell as she was living hers, she had to know it was not her fault and to forgive herself was not necessary as she was not responsible that day, it was just a day where a choice had been made with no reason of understanding, it was just to be excepted and try and learn to live to love again. A week passed and Beth slowly came back to him and with the help of a psychiatrist, they worked through the accident and the years afterwards. Beth was so very hard on herself and the doctor decided to use hypnosis on her to learn what was fueling her mind. After several weeks of this they all came to understand Beth’s guilty feelings, when she had turned to the backseat, Davey was fussing and she was trying to find his pacifier and put it in his mouth, she had never seen the truck coming at her. The doctor explained the way it happened, had she saw it coming little could have been done to avoid it, she needed to accept that it was fate for some unknown reason that took Davey that day and it was not her fault. She had sobbed in Ben’s arms till she collapsed, but when it was over he took her home, where they had shared everything and most of all Davey, there was a beautiful picture of him by her bed and when she was ready she could put it away or leave it Ben told her. Beth thanked him for all his love and support and hoped that he would take her to see Davey’s grave soon. Answering her the following week he took her there, kneeling down she placed her hands on the angel Ben had put there, she could feel his warmth and sweet smell as she gently laid the baby roses beside him and said goodbye, with Ben holding her they walked into a new day, her demons now gone, life would begin again.
© Tobie Haga Roy

Auntie May and Rachel

2005-06-10T20:47:00.000-05:00

Chapter 1
The warmth of the sun spread across the room, sparkling fragments dashing from one to another as Rachel sat there quietly, looking down on the soft face of her Auntie May. Even though her skin was wrinkled from time and hard work, it had the glow of softness and soft to her touch as she gently pushed the silver threads of her hair away from her brow. Her eyes closed, were still a brilliant blue as a sky on a clear day, much like a pool drawing one into them, laying one bare before her, as she had often drawn Rachel out to reveal her secret thoughts.
Auntie May, had been her Mother, Grandmother, sister, best friend for all of her life, she never knew another and it often seemed her world was incomplete, but Auntie May would always find a way to pull her back to the present and make her realize that she was blessed and a very lucky young girl. Rachel had learned slowly over time that her parents had been killed in a car wreck shortly after she was born. Auntie May was her only flesh and blood remaining and gladly took her in. She looked like her Mom, Auntie May would say to her. Often telling her, she had the fire and spirit of her Father. Rachel could recall the many times, they would disagree and how with her gentle way Auntie May would soothe the fire from her. Her Father, Robert was Auntie May’s brother who was a few years younger; he was just twenty-seven when he was killed. Her Mother, Elizabeth had been Auntie May’s dearest friend, a soft gentle spirit that loved life and enjoyed being a young wife and Mother, she was just twenty-five when the accident happened, living only long enough to ask Auntie May to care for her child, then she had silently closed her eyes.
Rachel sat there a smile slowly encompassing her face as she looked about the room. It was a big room, walls were painted in a soft golden color and the moldings a lighter gold, with drapes of sheer lace adorning the large paned window where the sun would enter and dance around the room, depending on the time of the day the room was a wonderful place to escape from the hectic pace of life in Charleston. An oil painting hung there of Auntie May, the artist capturing her gentle way and softness, Rachel loved looking at the painting and would often imagine having her own portrait beside it. A small stool sat beside the huge four-poster bed of Victorian design, she could remember trying to climb upon it when she was very young, she loved being in the bed with Auntie May, the dressing table was filled with perfumes, powders and a lavish hand mirror. Rachel getting up went to the dressing table and picked the old mirror up, looking into it she could see the reflection of herself and smiling, once again she carefully laid it down, it had been the one thing of her Mothers that Auntie May treasured. Turning she quietly lifted the door of the desk, she had loved sitting there while Auntie May wrote in the small book, it seemed to make her happy, she picked it up to open when Auntie May stirred, laying the book down she went to her side.
Chapter 2
Auntie May had gone to school in Charleston, then on to college where she had met a wonderful young man. Barron, he swept her off her feet from the moment they met, they made plans of marriage and then put them on hold as Barron had been called to serve his country. The summer of forty-three filled her with happiness and sorrow as Barron left for the war. His letters were slow in getting to her but she wrote him everyday, telling him of things at home and how she couldn’t wait for him to return home. The letters became less and less as time passed; now it was the year of forty-five and Barron’s last letter came. It was filled with a message of love and hope for their future, but none would ever be as his family called her to let her know Barron had been killed in action and they would see her soon. They had a memorial service and said their good-byes, she wept for days, cherishing her letters and vowed to never love again. If love had ever come again no one knew, Auntie May kept Barron’s picture by her bed. His letters tied in blue ribbons lay in her desk. Her letters had been returned unread and lay beside his with pink ribbon.
Auntie May kept busy, Robert her brother would be marrying her best friend Elizabeth. She was delighted and helped make the arrangements for the big day. They had a terrific wedding and honeymooned in Niagara Falls. A few months later they told her of the coming child. Auntie may was thrilled when Rachel had been born. Her beautiful little face was like an angel and her hair was like a raven, with eyes of the same blue of Auntie May’s. Rachel had just turned six-months when the police had come to get Auntie May. Taking her quickly to the hospital she held Elizabeth’s hand and listened as she asked her to care for Rachel. It was too late to say good-bye to Robert he had been killed instantly; sobbing the police took her to Rachel. Elizabeth’s family came for the funeral and helped her pack up the house; closing the door to their home she took Rachel to the big Victorian she lived in. Elizabeth’s family never answered the letters she sent and finally the letters came back with “return to sender” marked in red. She never tried to get in touch with them again; the pain of losing their only daughter must have been too great for them. Rachel and her became a family and she vowed to always watch and care for her beloved Rachel.
The big Victorian set back on a sprawling landscape, filled with Magnolia’s and Maples, Oaks higher than any seemed centuries old, lining the outer edges of the home hidden from view. Inside the grounds, hibiscus, oleanders, with sprawling azalea’s, climbing vines of honeysuckle and jasmine lined the walls of the old Victorian, Auntie May loved this house; it had belonged to her family and was left in trust for her and Robert after the passing of their family. It was filled with fabulous furniture and offered her a nice life for the two of them now. She leased out the surrounding land to the cotton growers and her profits kept them quite nicely for years.
Auntie May had kept a few acres to grow fresh vegetables and a place for fruit trees, the fresh peaches each year seemed to always be her favorite. A pond stocked with trout and big mouth bass, which would always give her a good fight in catching one, making for a delicious dinner. Rachel had loved to go there with her and romp around while she cast her pole. They had spent hours in the vegetable gardens, gathering the fruit of their labor. Rachel would eat her fill of tomatoes while helping her gather fresh vegetables and greens for the dinner each day. Rachel even as a child loved cooking and helping Auntie May, wanting to do more than she was capable of most times, but Auntie May always gave in letting her try, but always having her to clean up the messes she made from her attempts. Rachel never seemed to mind as each day she would be ready to try all over again.
Chapter 3
Auntie May enrolled Rachel in school, letting her walk each day. She would meet her down by the road, which was just a short way from the school. Rachel would come bouncing and singing to greet her and share with her all the things she had learned that day. Rachel loved English and Writing, Math challenged her and Auntie May had to work a little harder with her for that. History became a quick favorite of both as Auntie May liked collecting Antiques and through them she would teach Rachel of the history with each item. On the day of her report card, Rachel would come running, beaming with pride and saying thank you to her for the help in getting good grades. Auntie May would share her joy and both would go into town for a big ice cream at the local soda shop, Rachel would always pick strawberry while Auntie May chose chocolate. They would stroll the street and lick away at their cones while giggling like two small children. Auntie May’s world was complete and Rachel blossomed into a young and beautiful girl as the years passed much to fast for Auntie May. Rachel would graduate soon and be off to college and Auntie May spent time getting things ready for the big day. She had gotten her gown for the big prom dance, a beautiful pale pink, with lace and ribbon falling down the slim skirt. She had given Rachel her Grandmothers pearls and her Mom’s wristwatch of diamonds. Rachel glowed the night of the dance as she came down the spiraling staircase, Auntie May had the camera rolling as her date rang the doorbell. Auntie May waited up for her, so she could hear all about the night. Rachel came home around two in the morning and jumping on the stool by her bed sprawled upon the bed next to Auntie May. They spent the rest of the night laughing and giggling at what a great time she had. Early morning Rachel kissed Auntie May goodnight and thanking her went off to her room so they both could sleep late that day. Later they would talk of college and things to come. Smiling and content Auntie May slept like a baby.
Rachel graduated in the top ten of her class and with Auntie May’s help decided to go to Yale. Rachel wanted a degree in Arts and Business. Her plans called for her to open a shop with Auntie May and become a dealer in art and antiques. This would take her away from home but she would come home every chance she could and especially all the holidays. Those years passed fast for both of them, soon Rachel would graduate from Yale and they would start scouting out a place near Charleston for a shop, both were filled with excitement as the days moved forward. Soon they would enter the shop, Rachel had asked Auntie May if she could surprise her with the name for the shop and she agreed to let her choose it. Friends had gathered and a reporter from the local paper came to give them press for their opening. Rachel drove her aunt to the front of the store blindfolded and helped her from the car. Holding her hand, she removed the blindfold and Auntie Mays eyes filled with tears as she saw her name hanging in golden letters of Victorian Style, hugging Rachel and both crying they entered the shop.
They would take turns going on buying trips, selecting only the best, the little shop was soon turning a profit, after just a few short years, Auntie Mays was known the country over for her collectables and art. Now they could hire skilled people to help and maybe start another store, the future just kept getting brighter for both of them Auntie May worried that Rachel had not met anyone to share her life with and Rachel would let her know she just wasn’t ready to settle down and raise a family, but promised someday to give her a great-niece or nephew.
Chapter 4
Rachel had given to her all that she could have ever hoped for a life filled with joy, excitement and a bond that time could not break, she knew now her life was complete with meaning and love. She was nearing sixty-three and Rachel just barely thirty, had to be told now of her illness. Fearing how to tell her she let the days go by with no word of it. Rachel must have sensed because she now took on more of the shop and would tell her to just take it easy, with all the help they had she would say “it’s time you rested a bit, take the day off.” Auntie May would smile and let her have her way and while she was at home resting she walked the grounds, remembering all the wonderful times they both shared. She was content to let Rachel completely handle the shop and soon approached her about taking over and her retiring. Rachel agreed and never questioned Auntie May, she loved her work and wanted only the best for the aunt she loved dearly.
Entering the man’s office, he showed her to a seat and greeted her pleasantly and asking what was on her mind today. Auntie May had trusted Ethan since they met years ago and he handle all of her affairs; today she needed to finish some unfinished business, her will. Ethan listened carefully and after an hour told her papers would be ready for her to sign next week if that would be all right with her. Agreeing she left his office and retuned home, going to her room she lay across her bed and drifted asleep.
Rachel bouncing into her room was excited like a child. “Guess what Auntie!!! Guess what?” Auntie May rubbing her eyes opened them to see her niece smiling from ear to ear,” well are you going to tell me or do we play twenty question,” she asked Rachel. Laughing, Rachel jumped on the big bed and snuggled next to her, “Oh Auntie I met him, I met him” she said. “His name is Alexander and he is gorgeous Auntie, oh I think I am in love’ she told her. Auntie May smiling now hugged her and they spent the next hour talking about Alexander, Auntie May couldn’t have been happier for her.” I’ve invited him to dinner next week if that is all right with you” Rachel asked. “Of course my dear, we will have a party if you like.” “No, no I just want it to be us Auntie, he can’t wait to meet you.” Auntie May smiling now said, “Come my dear I’m starving now.”
Auntie May went back to meet Ethan the following week, signing the papers she walked out of his office relieved now and satisfied. All would be right if something happened to her and she felt a weigh lift free from her heart. Life was good as she went to start the dinner for Alexander that evening. She had put a standing ribbed roast in while she ran errands, now all that needed fixing were the vegetables. Standing there she felt a bit faint and brushed the feeling aside as she prepared the vegetables and potatoes for the meal. Her famous peach cobbler was in the cooler and the fresh whipped cream there also. Things were coming together nicely as she went to set the dinning room for tonight. Getting out her beautiful candelabra’s, she placed them upon the lace tablecloth with the beautifully cut fresh flowers of roses and gladiola’s. Fresh baby’s breath filled the empty spaces in the flowers. Opening the china cabinet she felt a pain run down her arm, stopping her for a moment, shrugging that off she finished the table and sat down to rest a moment. Everything was now ready all she needed was Rachel and Alexander to come soon.
Chapter 5
Rachel and Alexander opened the door and Rachel calling out “Auntie May we’re here.” Maybe she didn’t hear us come in Rachel thought as she led Alexander into the Living Room, “I’ll be right back, fix yourself a drink if you want.” Going toward the kitchen the aroma’s coming from there quickened her hunger as she pushed open the door to the kitchen, “ Oh Auntie May you’ve out done yourself I can tell,” her words stopping in air as she screamed loudly and Alexander came running, there lay Auntie May on the kitchen floor, a pot holder in her hand. Alexander got the phone calling an ambulance and tried to soothe Rachel as they waited, he bent to cradle her as she lay holding Auntie May, “Oh please, please God, let her be alive,” she kept saying over and over.
The doctor spoke with Rachel and she sobbed her tears, “why didn’t she tell me?” she asked of him. “Rachel she didn’t want you worrying over her” he spoke quietly trying to comfort her. “She doesn’t have much time left, you better go to her now” he said, as she went to Auntie May’s room. Coming into the room Auntie May opened her eyes and asked Rachel to take her home, “yes Auntie May I will, I’ll be right back” she said to her and left the room to make arrangements for her to leave. The doctor advising against it finally agreed to let her leave and called the ambulance service to take her there. Telling Rachel that he would send a nurse within the hour. She thanked him and Alexander drove Rachel home ahead of the ambulance. Running upstairs she got Auntie Mays bed ready and sat down to wait for her, Alexander never leaving her side for a moment.
Auntie May looked peaceful as she lay in her bed, her eyes the brilliant blue held Rachel’s for a moment and in that moment they knew, little time was left for them. Reaching for Rachel’s hand, she held it for a moment and squeezing it gently and telling her she loved her she drifted to sleep. The nurse came in to sit with her while Rachel changed her clothes, pulling on her old jeans and shirt, she went to the kitchen and called Alexander to come and help fix them a plate, while they had a moment to reflect on the next happenings, Rachel found she was starving.
Going back to Auntie May’s room, she asked to be left alone with her; she needed that as Alexander said he would go home and come back later on, but if she needed him just to phone. Kissing him on the cheek and thanking him she went back into the room. Now sitting here, she was filled with heartache for Auntie May, losing her had never entered her mind, she wondered if she thought they would live forever. Smiling she reached for her hand and Auntie May opened her eyes, smiling back at her now she said “Rachel, I love you my child, I’ll always be with you,” pulling Rachel’s hand to her mouth she kissed it, slowly her head leaned, her eyes closing, a smile upon her face, she left Rachel.
Rachel got up leaned over and pulled her close, “I’ll always love you Auntie May,” and cried softly into her arms till the nurse came in and managed to pull her away. “ She is gone Rachel, you have to let go, “ she said quietly and guided her out of the room and phoned the doctor and Alexander to come quickly. She lay in her room, crying and crying as Alexander came back to find her, he knew that Auntie May was all Rachel had and this would be very hard for her to get through. He promised Rachel he would stay by her side and hold her, as she fell asleep in his arms.
Chapter 6
Ethan called Rachel, asking when he could come to see her, telling her he needed to settle her aunts affairs. She agreed to a time and he was prompt as he came that day. Rachel wearing her old jeans and shirt didn’t see the need of dressing for him as she let him in the door. It had been a month now since Auntie May’s death and her things had been packed and stored, this was the last business that needed tending.
Sitting in her favorite chair Rachel asked Ethan to begin, while she listened closely. “Well” he said, “lets get to it, your Auntie May was quite a wealthy woman you know.” Rachel looked at him her mouth hanging open, “no I didn’t know that, I never asked about her financial affairs, nor she mine.” “She came in a few weeks ago and asked me to set things up and to give you this upon her death, other than that she has left you everything that was hers,” he said. “You’re a very rich woman now,” he told her. The home is worth more than a million three, the land around it about four million, the furnishings in the home are well over two million. Rachel sat dazed and frozen, what was he saying as she asked him to repeat all of it once more. Ethan then handed her the letter and told her Auntie May wanted her to read it alone in Auntie May’s room. He told her he needed a signature and things would all be transferred to her immediately. Then excusing himself, he let himself out.
“Oh Auntie May, what have you done, why did you leave me all this, “ as she sat there crying softly, didn’t she know money would never replace her and it didn’t matter to her. Getting up she climbed the stairs and entered the room. Suddenly she just jumped up on the bed and opened the letter, seeing her writing made tears flow as she tried to read the letter.
My Darling Rachel, I have loved you since the day of your birth. My heart broke when your parents were killed, knowing you would never know them and how very much they loved you. You have the tenderness of your Father and the sweetness and softness of your Mother. Your beauty comes from both of them and a little of me is in your blue eyes. I know you have asked many questions and I’ve answered them best I could. I hope and pray that you have felt the love we all had for you. In my desk, you will find my diary darling girl, read it when you feel up to it. I tried to record everyday something about you even when you were away. It is the only history of your wonderful life and mine that we have shared through all the years together; it is my gift to you. I want you to have a good life and I hope one day you will marry and have children; you have so very much to share with them. Never be afraid to love, take a chance, I did and just look at the happiness I found in you after losing my Barron, I thought life was over till you came along. My days have been filled with the greatest gifts of love by you, know that I will be looking down on you and keeping you safe from harm. Keep our shops going, share them with the world over. You can do it my darling, as you have shown me how. When your parents died, I took their savings and insurance and set up an account for you, through the years it has grown as you have. My darling Rachel, Ethan has the files in his office for you, I asked him to call you after you read this and disclose to you the amount that has been incurred over the years. I wish you the greatest happiness ever My Darling, know that my love will always live on through you. Love, Auntie May
Rachel’s eyes were burning from the tears that flowed so freely now, she knew Auntie May was there beside her and would always be, just then the phone rang as she leaned over to answer it. “Hello” she said and Ethan answered back, “I take it that you have read your aunts letter by now.” “I have sent a courier over to you with the files for your approval, just sign and send them back soon as possible dear.” The phone clicked and the doorbell rang, running she went down the spiraling stairs to the door.
The man standing there asked her to sign and left, leaving her standing, trembling as she shut the door. Sliding down to the floor, she slid her finger down the seal to open it, “wait, wait, oh my, is this really true?” She peeled the fold back and pulled the papers out, then reading them her heart pounding as she saw the amount of five million dollars, if she wanted to check the files for accuracy or send them to an auditor of her choosing, but that she needed to get this done in a speedy time frame.
Nothing could have ever prepared her for this day, She knew Auntie May was smiling crazy right about now, she went into the kitchen pouring a drink, picking the phone up, she dialed the number, the ringing seem to take forever, suddenly a voice answered “Hello” the sound of his voice thrilled her as she said “Oh thank God Alexander, you’re home can you please come over?” “Of Course I can be right there,” he said and hung up. Rachel was waiting in the drive as his car pulled up, jumping into his arms she told him she loved him and yes she would marry him if he still wanted her. He held her back and looked into her blue eyes “are you sure my love?” “Yes Oh yes, I’m sure, Auntie May has blessed us this day my love.

2005-06-02T17:02:00.000-05:00

Painting for Charlie 3/05