Pages turning ever so slowly bring forth the passages of each day. Giggling fills the air and as pages turn tears fall softly to the ending of a time for me. Gathered now in the dusk of time, lie memories too numerous to fill a page.
Wonderful beginnings of life and a Family love, move to another time of Husbands and Children filling my life’s bowl with wonderful drinks of life and sorrow each being important to grow into this now very mature body of an Elderly Woman.
Sitting here alone this day, I wonder how each page of life has now turned into a book. The spice of life with bits of zest runs rampant through each chapter as I look back. Wondering what should be told aloud and what should stay silent and in my heart, leave sadness in me. As I question myself for reason to remain silent on many areas of my life, somewhere deep inside I hear the words, (that goes in the DON’T NEED TO KNOW box).
It seems now as I have matured, many things of what seemed valuable, lie now in rubble. It’s strange how time can read just those little things that I carelessly left lying by the side of my life’s road, now once more I pick each remnant up and hold it more tenderly than ever, realizing I was not too late in my gathering.
I leave a few bits and pieces of me scattered about for those who want a peek into my world, as I write words of wisdom and love through each page of my writing, but yet never sharing my most treasured thoughts on pen and paper. I must remain true to myself of the pledge made long ago to a higher power, My Lord, My God and My Salvation there holds the key to the inner me, one who has unlocked many places within my soul. One that has granted me many joys and an inner peace as my twilight years come more into focus now.
It is the Wisdom that time brings forth and the true joy of knowing My Lord, that I live now and accept the changes of my life for good or bad. To have given the world the very best of me through my Children, satisfy that undone feeling in me, knowing they are the Roots that will fill new pages and write the passage of time as it comes to each of them.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Oh Lord, my Savior of my soul
Thou has lead me through valleys
Mountains steeped with glory
Trenches filled with pain
Thou hast let me fall when needed
Thou hast picked me up and filled me with hope
Thou hast let me face adversity
Thou hast given me great joy
While my valleys and mountains
Have seemed insurmountable
Time has been measured carefully
Thou hast lead me safely
Now I walk the open fields
Filled with renewed spirit and hope
I have given you my soul
You My Lord, have granted me entrance to Eternity
Thou has lead me through valleys
Mountains steeped with glory
Trenches filled with pain
Thou hast let me fall when needed
Thou hast picked me up and filled me with hope
Thou hast let me face adversity
Thou hast given me great joy
While my valleys and mountains
Have seemed insurmountable
Time has been measured carefully
Thou hast lead me safely
Now I walk the open fields
Filled with renewed spirit and hope
I have given you my soul
You My Lord, have granted me entrance to Eternity
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A Cold December Night
I wrote this several years ago, the first chapter is the orginal story and tonight and today I finally gave it an ending. I hope that you will enjoy it.
Chapter 1
It was on a cold December night, snow was still falling as he looked for a place to rest his tired and worn old body. Warmth was a luxury he did not have this night, a place out of the snow and wind would be nice. People were still hustling about and soon the street would be empty and he would finally be all-alone. He was not looking forward to the long cold night with streets dead not even the cats would be searching the trash bins on a night like this.
As he kept walking he remembered a place down off the main street and hoped there he would be safe and warm. His old coat worn thin from time did little to keep him warm. His shoes worn to paper thin on the soles no longer kept his feet dry or warm, the wet from the snow made walking quite uncomfortable. He thought as he walked how life had become this way and why did he ever let things go so wrong. He had always worked hard and took the best care of his family and now with them all gone, he had lost his way and ended up here somehow with his home, his family gone.
Why did his wife die? He asked himself over and over and knowing now he would never overcome the guilt he felt He kept thinking these thoughts and wondering why the children had left him. He had loved them so much and they knew they were the shinning stars of his life, how could they blame him for their Mothers death. The fire had spread so quickly, rushing he had woke everyone up. Laura wanted pictures as she ran back, he had ran after her grabbing her and pulling her to safety he thought, the smoke had over taken her and she didn’t make it as he carried her out of the house. He had loved Laura more than life. He pushed these thoughts from his mind as he walked slowly looking for the place he had seen earlier.
There it is he said to himself, scouting about to see if anyone else were there. Good he thought, as he moved some boxes and found a piece of board to stand up against the boxes that would help keep the wind out. Struggling to lay down and find a comfortable position, saying a quick prayer for warmth and safety, he was off to sleep, as he had walked the streets a lot today looking for any kind of work and food. He was not a man to ask for charity and believed that the struggle was for punishment for letting Laura die.
As he slept dreams started to come and he could see Laura in a heavenly light, she was there waving to him, calling softly and telling him she was waiting for him, that it was a wonderful place to be and she missed him so very much. He came slightly awake and his hand reaching for her fell back down to sleep.
Morning light was dawning and a few people were moving about, as people were getting ready for their busy days, Christmas was but a few days away. The sun now breaking through the overcast skies; the streets were now crowed, as a man walking by saw him lying there and looked down on him, strange the man thought to himself as he saw the smile on his face and his hand extended. Something made this man take a closer look and he said to himself, well this is one more the city will not have to support as he searched the body looking for a name another John Doe, well who would care anyway he said to himself and went looking for a phone. The old man looking for warmth and longing for Laura had found warmth in the night as the light extended from heaven to him.
Chapter 2
George Brown was a young man still, closing in on his early forties. His wife Mary and he had two children, a daughter and son both had married and lived in other states now. His sister, Margo still lived near him and her children grown and living far away, kept a close watch on him. Sometimes it seemed too irate him and then he would smile and know she just wanted to take care of him like always. Mary had been his love since high school and when they had married she took the best care of him and that had made Margo very happy.
George was deep in though when he heard the doorbell ring, getting up he moved to the door and looked out to see who might be there. Alarmed he quickly opened the door to see a Policeman there. “Yes” he said. The Officer asked if a George Brown lived there and he said yes, clasping his hands and bracing for what he didn’t know as the Officer said to him “are you the family of a George Brown Sr.?” He stood quiet now and wondered why he asked that after all these years and suddenly said “yes, why do you ask?”
“I regret to inform you sir that we found Mr. Brown dead this morning and we need for you to come down and identify him today.” George just stood there and with his voice trembling, he answered the Officer and got directions and walking back into the room sat down, his head seemed to spin and his hands now trembled as Mary walked into the room asking him who had been at the door. He asked her to sit down and as she reached for his trembling hand, he quietly told her what the Officer had said. “ I’ve got to call Margo” he said and reached for the phone and dialed her number and then speaking softly he asked if she could come over, “yes” she had said as he hung the phone back up and waited for her to come.
Margo arrived soon after the call from George, wondering what was wrong with him. As she sat down he took her hand and picked a picture up from the table, handing it to her he said nothing for a moment as her eyes captured the image before her. “George why are you showing me this?” Then he told her of the Officer coming and what he had wanted. Stunned Margo sat there and said to him George, how will we know it is him, we haven’t seen him since we were very young, I never thought of this day Georgie.
A few hours later, Mary drove them to the Morgue. “I’ll be right here George” as she sat down to wait on them. Holding Margo’s hand tightly, they entered the room, where an attendant was waiting on them by a table. Slowly he pulled the sheet back and they both gasped as they saw their father laying there, the smile still frozen on his face. Neither could say a word, as they realized the enormity of this moment.
As they both looked down on this man, they saw scars over part of his face and neck; some were peeking out from the white sheet that covered him and George pulling it
slowly down, realized how the many scars from the night of the fire, marked him deeply, time had not taken away the horror of that night. George felt a cold chill as the image came back to him from so very long ago.
George, still shaken asked what should they do now and the attendant told them, that they could claim the body and make arrangements for his burial... At the front desk he signed some papers and the attendant handed him a plastic bag,” here are Mr. Brown’s things Sir, I’m sorry for your loss.”
Chapter 3
Returning home, Mary told them to sit while she fixed Tea and a Sandwich for them, knowing that they needed some time, she left the room.
George placed the plastic bag on the table, then began to open it and pulled some papers out. Reading it he gave instructions to them. He had left a safety deposit box for them and showing this letter at the bank, they would be given a key to unlock it. Wondering what this all meant they just sat in silence, each reliving a part of that horrible night and their refusal to see their Father again.
George and Margo arrived at the bank early; holdings hands they asked where they went for the Safety Deposit Box, the lady lead them to a room, where they found the box. Both of them still stunned from the previous days event. George took the box and slowly opened it, finding a letter addressed to him and Margo he broke the seal and opened it. He began to read the words and tears filled his eyes as he looked at Margo, he began again out loud now.
George and Margo,
If you are reading this, I must have gone on to be with your Mother and now I must say goodbye to both of you, first let me say that I am grateful to your Aunt Sharon for raising you and giving you the love and affection I so longed to do. I have watched both of you grow each year and regardless of how you felt back then, I have never left you. I have sent you many gifts on your birthdays and holidays, too many to now name. I want both of you to know that I loved your Mother more than life and both of you also.
The night of the fire was a horrible night and I struggled to get all of you to safety, but your Mother broke free and ran back into the house, she wanted the pictures of our lifetime saved, the fire was so intense and I went back for her and fought to get her back from the fire. The smoke overcame her and cost her life, which you each have blamed me for. If only I could have traded places with her, but now I am at last with her so please if you can find forgiveness for me, I pray that you will accept my sincere plea and lay to rest the grief you have felt along with the anger.
Know that you have been loved and cared for and I am at peace with the world. I have left you my life’s savings, that I have stored each day since that night and I want both of you to enjoy my gift to each of you. Love endures through the test of time my children.
Your Father, George Brown Sr.
Chapter 4
Laying the letter down, George picked a paper up; it read Mort’s Funeral Home. Opening it he saw that his Father had made all the arrangements for his burial, next to their Mother, a simple service was all he requested, with the presence of his children. George handed the papers to Margo. Picking up another set from the box, a note was attached from his Father. It said that he had taken all the insurance money and invested it and as it grew he had bought bonds for each grandchild and the rest of it was for him and Margo to be evenly divided between them.
Opening them with shaking hands, George let out a gasp, as he saw the staggering amount of Five Hundred Thousand Dollars, giving the paper to Margo he just sat there with his head resting in his hands and tears pouring as Margo clung to him now crying for the Father they never knew. Margo gasping for breath asked aloud how all this could be. How of the dark of night such news would prove the love they so had doubted, he had loved them more than himself and had proved it to the very end.
There lying in the bottom of the box was a small picture, picking it up, George and Margo gazed upon the face of their Mother and Father, with both of them sitting on their laps. It was the only connection to their past that they had tried to forget as the years had passed.
Several days later they stood before his Casket and asked for his forgiveness and prayed for his soul to be at rest with their Mother now. Following the Hearse to the cemetery, they stood watching as he was laid to his final rest and prayed that one day they would see him once more to tell him of how wrong they were.
Later that night as George sat with Mary; he asked her why had his Father had lived the life of a Pauper and died so alone on the streets in a Card Board Box, she looked at him and said quietly, “because he sacrificed all that he had for the love of you and Margo, George. It was the only way he could let you know of his love and hoped that someway, someday you would find forgiveness for him.”
I wrote this several years ago, the first chapter is the orginal story and tonight and today I finally gave it an ending. I hope that you will enjoy it.
Chapter 1
It was on a cold December night, snow was still falling as he looked for a place to rest his tired and worn old body. Warmth was a luxury he did not have this night, a place out of the snow and wind would be nice. People were still hustling about and soon the street would be empty and he would finally be all-alone. He was not looking forward to the long cold night with streets dead not even the cats would be searching the trash bins on a night like this.
As he kept walking he remembered a place down off the main street and hoped there he would be safe and warm. His old coat worn thin from time did little to keep him warm. His shoes worn to paper thin on the soles no longer kept his feet dry or warm, the wet from the snow made walking quite uncomfortable. He thought as he walked how life had become this way and why did he ever let things go so wrong. He had always worked hard and took the best care of his family and now with them all gone, he had lost his way and ended up here somehow with his home, his family gone.
Why did his wife die? He asked himself over and over and knowing now he would never overcome the guilt he felt He kept thinking these thoughts and wondering why the children had left him. He had loved them so much and they knew they were the shinning stars of his life, how could they blame him for their Mothers death. The fire had spread so quickly, rushing he had woke everyone up. Laura wanted pictures as she ran back, he had ran after her grabbing her and pulling her to safety he thought, the smoke had over taken her and she didn’t make it as he carried her out of the house. He had loved Laura more than life. He pushed these thoughts from his mind as he walked slowly looking for the place he had seen earlier.
There it is he said to himself, scouting about to see if anyone else were there. Good he thought, as he moved some boxes and found a piece of board to stand up against the boxes that would help keep the wind out. Struggling to lay down and find a comfortable position, saying a quick prayer for warmth and safety, he was off to sleep, as he had walked the streets a lot today looking for any kind of work and food. He was not a man to ask for charity and believed that the struggle was for punishment for letting Laura die.
As he slept dreams started to come and he could see Laura in a heavenly light, she was there waving to him, calling softly and telling him she was waiting for him, that it was a wonderful place to be and she missed him so very much. He came slightly awake and his hand reaching for her fell back down to sleep.
Morning light was dawning and a few people were moving about, as people were getting ready for their busy days, Christmas was but a few days away. The sun now breaking through the overcast skies; the streets were now crowed, as a man walking by saw him lying there and looked down on him, strange the man thought to himself as he saw the smile on his face and his hand extended. Something made this man take a closer look and he said to himself, well this is one more the city will not have to support as he searched the body looking for a name another John Doe, well who would care anyway he said to himself and went looking for a phone. The old man looking for warmth and longing for Laura had found warmth in the night as the light extended from heaven to him.
Chapter 2
George Brown was a young man still, closing in on his early forties. His wife Mary and he had two children, a daughter and son both had married and lived in other states now. His sister, Margo still lived near him and her children grown and living far away, kept a close watch on him. Sometimes it seemed too irate him and then he would smile and know she just wanted to take care of him like always. Mary had been his love since high school and when they had married she took the best care of him and that had made Margo very happy.
George was deep in though when he heard the doorbell ring, getting up he moved to the door and looked out to see who might be there. Alarmed he quickly opened the door to see a Policeman there. “Yes” he said. The Officer asked if a George Brown lived there and he said yes, clasping his hands and bracing for what he didn’t know as the Officer said to him “are you the family of a George Brown Sr.?” He stood quiet now and wondered why he asked that after all these years and suddenly said “yes, why do you ask?”
“I regret to inform you sir that we found Mr. Brown dead this morning and we need for you to come down and identify him today.” George just stood there and with his voice trembling, he answered the Officer and got directions and walking back into the room sat down, his head seemed to spin and his hands now trembled as Mary walked into the room asking him who had been at the door. He asked her to sit down and as she reached for his trembling hand, he quietly told her what the Officer had said. “ I’ve got to call Margo” he said and reached for the phone and dialed her number and then speaking softly he asked if she could come over, “yes” she had said as he hung the phone back up and waited for her to come.
Margo arrived soon after the call from George, wondering what was wrong with him. As she sat down he took her hand and picked a picture up from the table, handing it to her he said nothing for a moment as her eyes captured the image before her. “George why are you showing me this?” Then he told her of the Officer coming and what he had wanted. Stunned Margo sat there and said to him George, how will we know it is him, we haven’t seen him since we were very young, I never thought of this day Georgie.
A few hours later, Mary drove them to the Morgue. “I’ll be right here George” as she sat down to wait on them. Holding Margo’s hand tightly, they entered the room, where an attendant was waiting on them by a table. Slowly he pulled the sheet back and they both gasped as they saw their father laying there, the smile still frozen on his face. Neither could say a word, as they realized the enormity of this moment.
As they both looked down on this man, they saw scars over part of his face and neck; some were peeking out from the white sheet that covered him and George pulling it
slowly down, realized how the many scars from the night of the fire, marked him deeply, time had not taken away the horror of that night. George felt a cold chill as the image came back to him from so very long ago.
George, still shaken asked what should they do now and the attendant told them, that they could claim the body and make arrangements for his burial... At the front desk he signed some papers and the attendant handed him a plastic bag,” here are Mr. Brown’s things Sir, I’m sorry for your loss.”
Chapter 3
Returning home, Mary told them to sit while she fixed Tea and a Sandwich for them, knowing that they needed some time, she left the room.
George placed the plastic bag on the table, then began to open it and pulled some papers out. Reading it he gave instructions to them. He had left a safety deposit box for them and showing this letter at the bank, they would be given a key to unlock it. Wondering what this all meant they just sat in silence, each reliving a part of that horrible night and their refusal to see their Father again.
George and Margo arrived at the bank early; holdings hands they asked where they went for the Safety Deposit Box, the lady lead them to a room, where they found the box. Both of them still stunned from the previous days event. George took the box and slowly opened it, finding a letter addressed to him and Margo he broke the seal and opened it. He began to read the words and tears filled his eyes as he looked at Margo, he began again out loud now.
George and Margo,
If you are reading this, I must have gone on to be with your Mother and now I must say goodbye to both of you, first let me say that I am grateful to your Aunt Sharon for raising you and giving you the love and affection I so longed to do. I have watched both of you grow each year and regardless of how you felt back then, I have never left you. I have sent you many gifts on your birthdays and holidays, too many to now name. I want both of you to know that I loved your Mother more than life and both of you also.
The night of the fire was a horrible night and I struggled to get all of you to safety, but your Mother broke free and ran back into the house, she wanted the pictures of our lifetime saved, the fire was so intense and I went back for her and fought to get her back from the fire. The smoke overcame her and cost her life, which you each have blamed me for. If only I could have traded places with her, but now I am at last with her so please if you can find forgiveness for me, I pray that you will accept my sincere plea and lay to rest the grief you have felt along with the anger.
Know that you have been loved and cared for and I am at peace with the world. I have left you my life’s savings, that I have stored each day since that night and I want both of you to enjoy my gift to each of you. Love endures through the test of time my children.
Your Father, George Brown Sr.
Chapter 4
Laying the letter down, George picked a paper up; it read Mort’s Funeral Home. Opening it he saw that his Father had made all the arrangements for his burial, next to their Mother, a simple service was all he requested, with the presence of his children. George handed the papers to Margo. Picking up another set from the box, a note was attached from his Father. It said that he had taken all the insurance money and invested it and as it grew he had bought bonds for each grandchild and the rest of it was for him and Margo to be evenly divided between them.
Opening them with shaking hands, George let out a gasp, as he saw the staggering amount of Five Hundred Thousand Dollars, giving the paper to Margo he just sat there with his head resting in his hands and tears pouring as Margo clung to him now crying for the Father they never knew. Margo gasping for breath asked aloud how all this could be. How of the dark of night such news would prove the love they so had doubted, he had loved them more than himself and had proved it to the very end.
There lying in the bottom of the box was a small picture, picking it up, George and Margo gazed upon the face of their Mother and Father, with both of them sitting on their laps. It was the only connection to their past that they had tried to forget as the years had passed.
Several days later they stood before his Casket and asked for his forgiveness and prayed for his soul to be at rest with their Mother now. Following the Hearse to the cemetery, they stood watching as he was laid to his final rest and prayed that one day they would see him once more to tell him of how wrong they were.
Later that night as George sat with Mary; he asked her why had his Father had lived the life of a Pauper and died so alone on the streets in a Card Board Box, she looked at him and said quietly, “because he sacrificed all that he had for the love of you and Margo, George. It was the only way he could let you know of his love and hoped that someway, someday you would find forgiveness for him.”
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
While time has allowed my journey here on Earth, Lord
I have walked the great Mountains and Valley’s low
I have walked the Shore of Your great Ocean
I have stood below looking at your wondrous Universe
Always in awe of the great expanse of your Creation
Never doubting the power of your Being
The Beauty that mine Eyes have seen
The Power I have felt, as I watched from afar
The Comfort that my Soul has found when I called Your Name
I have but one great journey left My Lord
As days pass and I reach The Completion of my time on Earth
I pray that I am worthy Lord to Cross the Great Divide into Your Paradise
I have walked the great Mountains and Valley’s low
I have walked the Shore of Your great Ocean
I have stood below looking at your wondrous Universe
Always in awe of the great expanse of your Creation
Never doubting the power of your Being
The Beauty that mine Eyes have seen
The Power I have felt, as I watched from afar
The Comfort that my Soul has found when I called Your Name
I have but one great journey left My Lord
As days pass and I reach The Completion of my time on Earth
I pray that I am worthy Lord to Cross the Great Divide into Your Paradise
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Oh if it were not for Yesterday and Yesteryear
What dreams are left for me to unveil?
Mystery of living, long lost its luster
It is another time that draws me nigh
To remember happiness and love
To dare to capture once more
The thrills and hardships of life
That made me unto this day
A sadness of loss, an unwillingness to live
Where is the path of Yesterday?
That will lead me into Tomorrow
Where Loneliness will be no more
copyrighted byTobie Haga Roy
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I’ll remember you at the end of winter’s day
While the Earth thaws her crust to warmer days
When your Lilies show off their first bud
Bringing warm memories of you
I’ll remember you in the time of spring
When the Earth has been turned and seeded once more
Filled with the knowledge, carefully left in my care
Bringing warm memories of you
I’ll remember you on the hot summer days
As fishing lines are caste, being reeled in to an empty hook
While lawns are mowed and weeds pulled, flowers plucked
Bringing warm memories of you
I’ll remember you when leaves fall in the autumn chill
While picking the bounty from the plowed field
I’ll share the gift of your knowledge, as my table is filled
Bringing warm memories of you
I’ll remember you when the winter’s cold will chill my bones
I’ll pull your old flannel shirt from long ago
Wrapping my arms to stay the chill
Bringing warm memories of you, once more
©Tobie Haga Roy
I wrote this in memory of my Dad, he was diagnosed with Cancer on Thanksgiving day in 1985 and later died on Ground Hog day in 1986, his Easter Lilies had come to full bloom that year in late January
Tags: tobie's poetry
While the Earth thaws her crust to warmer days
When your Lilies show off their first bud
Bringing warm memories of you
I’ll remember you in the time of spring
When the Earth has been turned and seeded once more
Filled with the knowledge, carefully left in my care
Bringing warm memories of you
I’ll remember you on the hot summer days
As fishing lines are caste, being reeled in to an empty hook
While lawns are mowed and weeds pulled, flowers plucked
Bringing warm memories of you
I’ll remember you when leaves fall in the autumn chill
While picking the bounty from the plowed field
I’ll share the gift of your knowledge, as my table is filled
Bringing warm memories of you
I’ll remember you when the winter’s cold will chill my bones
I’ll pull your old flannel shirt from long ago
Wrapping my arms to stay the chill
Bringing warm memories of you, once more
©Tobie Haga Roy
I wrote this in memory of my Dad, he was diagnosed with Cancer on Thanksgiving day in 1985 and later died on Ground Hog day in 1986, his Easter Lilies had come to full bloom that year in late January
Tags: tobie's poetry
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