Passing of The Demons

As day passes, night shadows come with the last rays of light drifting silently across the sparsely filled room, an old iron framed bed sagging beneath weight, long needed replacing, a dresser with drawers broken and hanging, a closet with the door broken and scarred from things thrown in anger, the light beckoning to her as it roams the room like sparkles of anger to go with them. Fear, comfortably setting itself deep within her soul. Emptiness surrounding her, a depth of emotion never experienced before. Slowly rising, brushing the gnarled and matted hair from her brow, she reached for the dirty glass from nights before to fill it with whiskey. Gulping the fiery liquid she poured another, feeling the sudden rush of warmth knowing that it will stay and comfort her keeping her safe from demons that chase round and round in the last flickers of light. Are they locked into my mind she asked herself? Can I refuse to follow, will they then go or should she follow to see where they would carry her. Why fight the raging fire that burns so deep within, what possibility of wrong done can be undone Emptiness slowly overpowers her mind as she stumbles to her bed where dreams will fill her with memories past and present of life’s lost choices wrongly made. Sins too great to bear, regrets filling a river with salty tears that fall from her puffed eyes and ashen face. Lying there frozen into another time, bitterness and seeds of sorrow linger into another day. She realized too late that her lot had been cast, molds made and broken, no way to repair the wrongs done as she now faced the harvest of her life, barren and alone, drained of life. Return of the early morning light dawn breaks across the room where the wind softly blows the sweetness of day. She struggles to rise, to pull tighter the musty smelling drapes and close the shades, pouring another glass full of whiskey, turning she lay back upon the bed and begged to the demons to please take her with them, to save her from the day.
Beth heard the loud knocking and shouting from within the haze of whiskey, “go away” she screamed. Why did they continue to anger her, she wondered in her drunken stupor, didn’t they know she wanted to be alone forever now, ”just go away, go away,” she mumbled to herself as she reached for the whiskey again. “Damn it” who took my whiskey she screamed, “you had better get me another now, do you hear me damn it.” The knock had faded away; she could hear footsteps moving from the door as she pulled herself up. Holding her head, she ran her fingers over the tangled and matted hair pushing it from her face. “Oh hell what am I doing now?” she found herself listening to her voice, “who the hell are you and where did you come from, who told you, you could be here. Get the hell out now do you hear me.” Silence was her solitude and she wanted it to remain that way. She did not care what day it was or year, it could have mattered less, “damn I need a drink” she said reaching for the side of the dresser to pull herself steady,” now where did I put the damn money?” she said rummaging through the broken drawers, finding it she grabbed for the wall and went to the door. Cracking the door a bit she looked down the hallway, hoping no one would be out as she pulled it open. Hurriedly she ran down the hall and steps to the corner liquor store, “whiskey” she said as she laid the money on the counter, grabbing the bottle she ran back to her room. Breaking the seal she turned the bottle and drank a long slow drink, then she rested the bottle on the dresser and lay back on the bed, her face ashen after realizing she had faced the sunlight, now the demons would surely find her. She knew not to leave in the day, night was her only cover, she must not do that again as she fell asleep form the sudden rush of the excitement and liquor.
Waking hours later it was almost early morning, she lay there in soaked clothes, from the sweats of her stupor, tossing the dirty sheet off to the floor she reached for the whiskey again, it was almost gone now and she couldn’t remember drinking that much, “damn it the liquor store is closed” she said as the clock ticked almost four now. That meant going back off in the daylight as she downed another long drink and lay back down once again, this time sleep not coming to her and she began to weep loudly and then slowly a long blood curdling scream filled her body and she passed out once more.
Her dreams took her to a place she didn’t want to go and in her sleep she tossed and cried, ripping her soul where the demons she dreaded lived now. She was driving a new car, a big car, it was a bright red, her favorite color, the windows down and with the wind blowing her hair she sang, then turning to look in the backseat, she screamed as the car went turning into the air going round and round, then off down an embankment as the car still turned, catching fire as it landed below in the ravine. She didn’t hear the sirens and the ambulances as they had come, nor did she hear the people exclaiming how she could have survived this terrible crash. Some were looking to see if anyone else had been in the car, a stretcher was taking her away as she fought to go to the car screaming “he is in there please someone get him.” They hadn’t heard her as the car exploded and with her screams still ringing, the ambulance had driven away rushing her to the closest hospital. The doctors worked hard to save her, a lung had been damaged, her arm and both legs broken and a gash on her forehead needing many stitches. It would take months for her to recover the doctor had said to her family, stating she was very lucky to be alive. Her parents had come and her husband had remained with the car and the rescuers trying to find Davey, he was just three months old and a beautiful little boy, Beth had never been so happy as the day she had him and well her husband, Ben went crazy buying all the things for little boys
Ben standing quietly beside her bed when she awoke, with tears coming down his face she screamed again, as he reached to hold her and give her comfort, she jerked away screaming at him” go away, go away, you’re lying, no go away go.” Then she just simply went limp and slid into a coma. She had remained in the coma for almost a year and then one day as Ben begged her to come back to him her eyes opened and the look in them chilled Ben down to the core of his soul. Days later she told him to go away and never to come back, she refused to see her family and few close friends. Months later she left the hospital to go to a rehab, the doctors hoped there she would learn to walk again and with counseling she might get her life back. Ben never came back again and her family finally gave up hoping that in time she would come back to them.
It now had been five long years, Beth learned to walk again, the counseling had not helped her as she had checked herself out and left on the first bus she could get, she wanted to be far away from those who had known her, the ache in her heart had turned bitter and sour, blaming herself she needed to be away from those she had loved. This was unforgivable to her; she had cost her baby’s life and hurt her Ben more than anyone could have ever dared to. She belonged in jail or someplace else not free to live again and have a new life, she didn’t want one she wanted her baby and Ben. It was just too late now the damage had already been done and there would never be a way to repair or bring Davey back to her. She didn’t care where she was at or where she would live now as she looked for a room, finding one she went to find a liquor store, there she bought her first bottle of whiskey and drank it till her mind was numb and the hurt buried deep in her soul, she had said goodbye to Ben and Davey and now she would say goodbye to Beth, she no longer cared about anything. They were all gone and now just the demons would keep her and stay with her to torture her till one day she would be no more, how fitting she thought as she drank the whiskey to the last.
The knock came on the door again, this time no screams came as the man knocked again and again. No answer as he left once again, this time coming back with the lady who rented the rooms out. Asking her to open the door, he saw her there, lying in all the filth, broken and empty bottles all around, the room reeked of foul smells, as he leaned over her and gently felt for her pulse. It was there faint but there, as he asked the lady to call for an ambulance immediately. Rushing her to the hospital, the doctors worked fast and feverously over her, he knew it might be too late for her. He silently left to find a chapel, there he got down on his knees and asked the Lord to please spare her, she had punished herself enough, it was time for her to heal and come home with him, he loved her more than life itself and wept as he begged God to let her come back. Getting up he went back outside the door where she was. The doctor told him, “she might pull through, it depends on her will, and she has done a lot of damage to herself.” Ben thanked the doctor and found a room where he could wait till they moved her to a room, then he would stay with her till she came back to him, vowing never to leave her alone again, he silently prayed again.
Days passed as Beth fought to die, while Ben kept praying, it was as if two worlds were colliding and he was determined her world would survive and she would heal this time with his help and love, no forgiveness was necessary for him, as he had learned a tractor trailer truck had left its lane and hit her head on, the driver had survived and was living his own hell as she was living hers, she had to know it was not her fault and to forgive herself was not necessary as she was not responsible that day, it was just a day where a choice had been made with no reason of understanding, it was just to be excepted and try and learn to live to love again. A week passed and Beth slowly came back to him and with the help of a psychiatrist, they worked through the accident and the years afterwards. Beth was so very hard on herself and the doctor decided to use hypnosis on her to learn what was fueling her mind. After several weeks of this they all came to understand Beth’s guilty feelings, when she had turned to the backseat, Davey was fussing and she was trying to find his pacifier and put it in his mouth, she had never seen the truck coming at her. The doctor explained the way it happened, had she saw it coming little could have been done to avoid it, she needed to accept that it was fate for some unknown reason that took Davey that day and it was not her fault. She had sobbed in Ben’s arms till she collapsed, but when it was over he took her home, where they had shared everything and most of all Davey, there was a beautiful picture of him by her bed and when she was ready she could put it away or leave it Ben told her. Beth thanked him for all his love and support and hoped that he would take her to see Davey’s grave soon. Answering her the following week he took her there, kneeling down she placed her hands on the angel Ben had put there, she could feel his warmth and sweet smell as she gently laid the baby roses beside him and said goodbye, with Ben holding her they walked into a new day, her demons now gone, life would begin again.
© Tobie Haga Roy