Come Share My Campfire-Chapter 2

Thanks for coming and keeping me company, just pull up a log and grab a hot cup of coffee, it's ready and some coffee cakes are over by the pot.The warmth of my campfire is calling me back, bringing me to the safety of long ago. The night is beautiful with stars flickering from the heavens above and I am drawn into a peaceful state, a slight chill runs over me as I move closer to the fires warmth. I sense someone else is here, yet I can not see them, but their presence is strong as I gaze into my fire, wishing for all the things I once had, the safety of Mom and Dad and my brothers. Feeling the loss so very much these days, I had to come back here to my roots, my beloved mountains here in Tennessee. I needed to ground myself again and draw strength from things I so loved, and had learned in those early years of my life.
It seems lately I am hiding in my own selflessness and letting those down who believed in me. Fear is knocking on my door these days as I struggle to come to terms with current events that soon will be right here. Dread has turned me into a recluse, not wanting to be a part of anything, yet deep down I want to enjoy all that is around me, but my fear along with the dread keeps me from reaching out to those who I so love.
My world is changing and seems control is turned over to someone else, I don’t know how my parents managed some of the changes they faced, seemed they were always strong and knew the right ways to choose and wisdom to know that difference. Is that where this is taking me, courage to face and know the difference, to place my faith alone in the only hands that have never forsaken me?
“Oh goodness” I say as the fires glow is so magical and now I need to add another few logs, “excuse me while I get a couple” I need that feeling to last the night, as I grab my blanket now and lie by the fire. My eyes are heavy and I am so tired, the fires warmth is soothing me into that safety net I so need as sleep finally comes and my dreams now take me into my fears.
I see myself in my living room, on the phone and tears streaming down my face as I am listening to a voice from the other end. It is my youngest son, Troy and he is saying goodbye to me once again, telling me things will be good and he will write soon as he can to let me know he is all right. I hear his loving words as he says “Mom this is not goodbye, it’s I’ll see you in awhile, remember don’t worry the Army has trained us well.” As I hear the dial tone, my prayers are going fast as my words can be released to the heavens above. Tears fall in fear as I try to cling to my beliefs, “oh God, please keep him in your care and grace.
Now the phone is ringing once again, another familiar voice that I have come to love is there saying “hi Mom, well I’m getting ready to take off, we leave in a few hours. Charlie and the girls will need you a lot more now. Listen out for them, and you take care, I’ll write soon and let you know how things are here, love you Mom, bye for now.” Bye Jack, I love you, hearing the dial tone again tears fall for the fear is overwhelming me now, as I quickly send my prayers off to the heavens once more, asking God to keep him in his care and grace.
I feel a chill as my eyes open and my fire has gone out. This had never happened before, is this a sign of things to come as I get up to find more wood to make another fire. Soon the new fire is going and I sit back on my log looking into that fire. It comes to me that my fire went out to put my fears to rest, I had given my dread and fear’s a face, I had placed them into the hands of God He had received them and now he would once again put me to the test. Would I pass this time, would I build my faith on the only rock I had ever known, yes I believed I would as I took a stick and went about poking the fire and felt the warmth of the embers spread over me, giving me the comfort I had searched for, wisdom to go on and face each day and take what ever comes in stride.
It’s time for me to leave my beautiful mountains again, as I put my fire out and gather my belongings up, I open the door to my old van and off in a distance I see them looking and waving to me, they were with me and would always stay with me. Bye Daddy and Momma, thanks for pulling me back here to touch those roots which you taught me, and to help me regain my strength as new days come, yes I love you and miss you, but the kids are needing me so I gotta get going, as I start the old van up and head for home.
© Tobie Haga Roy